Genetic Study Clarifies African and African-American Ancestry

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091221212823.htm.

Stories we tell ourselves and possible truths behind them

Stories we tell ourselves and possible truths behind them

Series: In search of the authentic self

Story No 1

‘I will never get tattoo because’

Reason

a)      The Bible condemns it

b)      Men don’t like tattoos on women

What people are thinking when you say it

a)      Who asked you?

b)      You do realize I have. ..like seven tattoos right?

c)       Does the bible condemn it in the same verse he condemns piercings? How did you rationalize your pierced ears?

d)      Personal preference is personal preference – I understand

e)      Find another way to rebel

Your true inner discourse  

I MIGHT get a tattoo if

a)      They were free AND painless AND had no health risks

b)      I could find something interesting to carve into my skin

c)       It would really piss me parents off

Story No. 2

‘I don’t believe in divorce’

Reason

a)                  The Bible condemns it

b)                  It destroys the quality of a child’s life

What people are thinking when you say it

a)      That’s because your husband hasn’t cheated on you and given you an STD and step children

b)      That’s because your husband hasn’t ‘boxed you over’… yet

c)       Whether you believe in it or not – it’s still doesn’t change the possibility of it happening

d)      Your children won’t thank you for exposing them to an unhealthy relationship and calling it normalcy

e)      Sure. When you’re a widow you don’t need to get divorced!

f)       I agree – marriage is forever

g)      I understand – you just don’t want to pay the fee. It’s okay – my parents have been married for 35 years – but dad lives in the basement and has a girlfriend.

30 thoughts as I turn ‘30’ – PART 1

30 thoughts as I turn ‘30’

PART I

1. My favourite holiday movie is ‘Home Alone’. Hands Down. Didn’t realize that until yesterday.
2. Try as I may, moral perfection eludes me like an Oscar does Beyonce.
3. I will never accept that I am just another member of the hoi polloi.
4. I’ve quit every single extracurricular activity I’ve ever been involved in.
5.  My brother is a beautiful person and I care what he thinks.
6. I have always wanted a sister. After many attempts to find a suitable substitute, I’ve realized they all have their own sisters – and don’t need another. I get it, God. You can’t always get what you want.
7.  With the exception of no.6 I have gotten everything I’ve asked God for. With some items pending.
8. I love laughing as much as I love food.
9. Music is incredibly influential. Anyone who believes otherwise is an idiot.
10. Just one conversation can change my entire lifelong opinion of someone.
11. I’m obsessive, but not prone to addiction.
12. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else in the world.
13.  I actually really love my extended family members.  Even if they can’t all love me the way they way I want them to.
14. My children are awesome. 
15. People aren’t obligated to like you – but they should show you respect unless you’ve given them reason not to.
16. I thought that my husband was created specifically for me … but now I realize that it’s the other way around; that I am a small part of a bigger plan for my beloved.
17. I’m never going to get a tattoo.
18. I would make a terrible actress.
19. Nobody should have a mullet haircut. It’s wrong.
20. I’m really short.
21. My front teeth look like 50 Cent’s before they got fixed, but I’m not getting braces – that lifelong dream is so dead. (I got an orthodontics quote recently)
22. It has been quite some time since I’ve felt alone.
23. While I have a mild temper. I have the tendency to be aggressive, and when I do – there is nothing redeeming left in my character. Lucky for me, I have people around me to keep me in check.
24. I don’t think I can bring myself to read another Stephen King book , ever.
25. I would like to think that heaven has time shifting. Not for cable silly, for periods of time on Earth. I want to see the Mayans, the ancient Egyptians and the Incas. I want to see what really happened at the Tower of Babel. I want to witness to the revelation of the mysteries of the universe, travel to other galaxies and behold the birth of a star. That’s my idea of heaven.
26. I’m amazed that people still play songs on their answering machines.
27. The most important difference between man and other animals is the ability to reason, and as a result, the ability to change our minds.
28. I only feel like an adult when I’m bossing other people around.
29. Before we forgive others, we ought to ask forgiveness from those we have wronged. There is no forgiveness without empathy.
30. I believe in order to be our authentic selves; we must avoid believing in our own ‘hype’. Compliments and insults are relevant in the instant they are given, neither lasts beyond that moment.

Pray Often. Pray Earnestly – but most of all…be specific.

  We are a bottomless pit of wants. A society of have-mores with a never ‘enough’ attitude. We are a community with an insatiable material appetite and an instant gratification expectancy. Our plans are sky high , efforts are half-assed, our patience is saran-wrap thin. So how does God keep up with our general you-know-what-I-mean requests and drive-thru demands?

How does he get us to ‘that place’ when we keep raising the bar before crossing the first threshold? We want what we don’t need and as soon as we have it we are back to drawing board trying to recreate the image of our fantasy life, before the life we live comes to fruition. We say – ‘God, I know this is a risky decision, but I’m going to do it anyway and I expect you to fix it for me. I just don’t mean I want you to make it happen, but I want you to make it look good -and don’t forget the trimmings.’

Here is a perfect example. Many moons ago I wanted to purchase property and I went ahead and did so. It all happened so fast it was almost too good to be true. The market was just recovering from a recession and although the interest rates were higher than they are today- the house prices were low. I was still a teenager, but thanks to years of research, I was quite educated in the subject of real estate. I remember how badly we wanted it to happen. The place we went for was cheap – we were not ‘hanging our hats too high’ – but at the same time, I had just finished college, we had just paid thousands for a wedding, and I was out of work to make matters worse. We had some money saved up but not enough to cover the entire down payment. But God would see us through, right? Just to make sure we would be in the clear – a ‘just-right’ proposition made its way to us that would guarantee us the money for the rest of the down payment plus furniture. Instead having patience and saying ‘no’ we took a chance…it fell through, my hubby lost his job and in a matter of a few months everything was worse than it was before.

Praying or Preying?

First let me be clear that this post is in no way inspired by Tyler Perry. This week I was praying and found myself saying something very strange. At the end of my long screed thanking God for everything he’s done – I concluded with, ‘I hope you have a good day.’

It suddenly hit me that in all my years of hearing prayers I have never heard anyone ask God how he’s doing…or wishing him well. It must be like being the rich uncle who never gets a gift. Or the friend with ‘no problems’ so noone ever really asks (or listens) when they have their bad days.

I know I may be alone here. I’m certain that somebody asks God about his well being (probably a child) – but its nothing I’ve ever witnessed. And you know what? It felt good. It felt good to think of something else to do but prey on his time. God can I have this? God please that. God thank you – I think that all the emotions we feel are created by him and boredom must be on the top of his list where I am concerned. So I tried something a little different and it came naturally. I don’t have the kind of relationship that many people have with God or their Gods – I’m in the infantile stages I think…but relationships are reciprocal and all the promises I have made have remained unfulfilled. The least I can do is give a little. So from this point forward, I won’t be shy to begin my prayers with ‘How are you?’ and end them with ‘Have a great day’. I think he appreciates good manners as much as the rest of us.

Cheers!

Denise

The Perils of Purpose

The Perils of Purpose

Is there a reason why realizing one’s true purpose can be an intimidating task? We find it so perplexing that we often turn to external sources for the answers. Whether it’s a psychic, literature, or God – I have realized there is one consistent message. You need to do the work. Even if you won the lottery – you need to earn the money to buy the ticket. In fact you need to buy the ticket. I have yet to hear of someone struck by a ‘purposeful’ lightening bolt that jolted them unto the path of fulfillment.

The path of our life is something that we need to be an active part of. Books are a one way conversation, psychics can tell you what you should be doing, but they don’t do follow up calls and as for God? Well that depends. If you are talking to God about what you ought to be doing with your life – and he doesn’t answer – well what does that mean? It could mean ‘ I’ve given you life – now live it’. So is living itself a reflection of purpose? All he’s asked us to do is love. Can things really be that simple? Well lets take ‘love’ for example… have you tried mastering that lately? Not as easy as it sounds. Maybe that’s the purpose for all of us – to learn how to love. There is no purpose that can be realized without the ability to do that.

Happy Holidays all,

Denise

All good things….

Must come to an end they say. This blog is no exception. Since Jan 2008 ( and at the encouragement of an acquaintance) I launched this webpage for the amusement of others and myself, of course. Now that I have completed school I will be able to focus more on my other committments. I thought i’d be more excited about getting back into the arts. Its easy to forget all the consulting i’ve done over the years, the freelance work that people have been nice enough to offer me on account of my Computer Graphics studies and hobbies like Fashion design and journalism. I have dabbled in it – but never committed, and quite frankly, this blog is the greatest committment i’ve ever made to my work. Although many pieces are unedited and poorly written – I have not removed them simply because its all a part of the process. So for the next several weeks leading up to Jan 2009 – I will be posting my last blogs on this site. If I had it my way – I would do both – but realize that I just cannot.

Thank you all for your dedication, insporation and support. Thank you for your time, your comments, your emails and your encouragement. I will never know how many of those 5000+ hits were friends, foes or just mere strangers who happened up my work, but hopefully everyone has found at least something that speaks to them.

There are a few outstanding topic ‘requests’ that I will try to get to by the end of the year – so stay tuned….

Live.Love. Laugh.

Dee

Party Protocol

Party Protocol

Series: In a Perfect World

 In a perfect world, events are social gatherings that mark a particular special occasion – simply put. However I cannot help but notice a shift in the way we have come to carelessly handle these milestones, where instead of creating an atmosphere that draws people to it, we do the exact opposite.  Where the host is supposed to be gracious, they are often now pretentious and hostile. Hosts often leave invitees balking and bulged-eyed at their belligerent requests.

In my opinion, a few things need to be taken into consideration when putting on an event. Let’s get back to the basics.

1)       Party with a Purpose – you CANNOT have a party ‘just because’ then try to make it a legitimate celebration by desperately attaching it to an ancient tribal tradition which you came across in a National Geographic article. You are a Canadian and we do not have a custom of baby-naming ceremonies. We understand you waited for years to have your first child but as much as you may be convinced otherwise… noone (including you) is going to even remember the name ‘Kwazaii’. In addition, your child will be just as annoying as every one else’s in about 24 months, after which  you will come up with MANY other names for him – and I’m certain you won’t have a party for those.

Convocation 2009

Also known as the march of the funny hats…

Being absolutely exhausted of all things to do with school, I didn’t even feel the urge to blog about my graduation ceremony that occurred last month. I can only recall the calmness with which I floated through the procession, picked up my robe and hat, then wait… and wait…and wait for the celebration to begin. I wasn’t at all certain who besides my immediate family and friend, Dalia would be there to see me walk across the stage, but one thing was for sure – I did not feel alone.

Wedged in between my fellow classmates (none of which I’d ever seen before), I was number 109, a fitting reflection of the lack of personal touch that can only be compared to being part of a random study group. Surrounded by hundreds of strangers; young’ns, go-getters, and life changers ready to take on a world I’m already a part of. However, unlike our years in class – we felt comfortable enough to converse with one another. As it turned out, I was second in line to a young mother, and in front of an older mother, whose own daughter had graduated the year before. She was so touched with her accomplishment she fought back tears a few times during the ceremony. These two women made me realize, that I was not an anomaly; that many of these students have fought and persevered to achieve something that may not have seemed possible at one point or another. I listened to their stories of career changes, and previous studies to which they had committed themselves – only to change direction and a few years later.

Not unlike my story, is it? So we sat, eyes blinded by the piercing stage lights, facing the crowd of supporters and watched the procession of the accordion players, faculty, grad students, honourary degree recipient, and the chancellor who waved a funny looking wand and sat on a ‘throne’( seriously, its called a mace ), I felt honoured to be amongst them all. Every now and then I let myself tune out and dream of the day when my own son would saunter across that stage. It was the only moment where I caught myself getting a little teary eyed. Other times I had the sudden urge to watch Harry Potter. All those colourful get ups and strange hats and whatnot. Anyway – when it was my turn to walk across the stage, I was welcomed by the bellowing sounds of my husband, children, friend, mother and brother who were there to witness those seemingly final steps. In truth, they were first steps – Ad meliora. Attending that ceremony gave me comfort in the confirmation of the efforts put forth by myself and those around me, as well as setting an example for the children. I often remember my own mother’s graduation. And so when the Chancellor uttered those sweet, sweet words, ‘Admitto vos ad gradum’… I exhaled a great sigh of relief.

It was wonderful…

How to plan the perfect life. Okay – well maybe not so perfect

How to plan the perfect life. Okay – well maybe not so perfect

Series: In a Perfect World

In a perfect world, there would be a rule book for living in the modern era of the Western World. Growing up in North America is like living in a psychological war zone. Buy this. Pay that. This is your salary – wait ..no ..its actually 75% of what we actually told you. Go to school. No – go to school longer! Don’t have money? Go to work! Then take all that money you’re making and buy property. Oops – did we forget to teach you about credit? And so on and so on. It’s no wonder some of us feel as if we’ve gotten a bad deal. The complaints I hear most among adults when they’ve discovered a new secret to financial well being is not ‘I wish I had done that’ – but ‘ I wish someone had told me!’. There is nothing worse than being the last one to know.

So for those of us (the majority) who will spend most of our lives navigating the mean streets of corporate Canada – we should have a general set of life planning rules.

Rule #1. Complete your education while you are young. Whatever apprenticeship, post secondary education, entrepreneurship or training you mean to pursue is best done while you are young, vibrant, and still like people.

Rule #2. Invest in birth control and disease control measures – and take care of yourself. Stay away from too much liquor or drugs. There will always be potholes for your future earnings that spring up in these naïve years. These potholes are named, ‘child support payments’, lawyers fees, bail money, future high insurance premiums, pardon payments, rent, daycare fees, etc. Plus they sidetrack you from your goals. If you try your best and you still slip up – at least you can have pride in knowing you tried and you have a reason to pick yourself up and get back on track. Oh and learn about credit , and how to keep your score at a decent level. Just remember – it’s not a race to see how much you can get and how fast you can spend it.

Rule#3 Invest in a good mattress. Why? See Rule #5.

Rule#4 When you get your first legit gig – try to save as much as possible, and pay down whatever school debt you may have incurred. If you can’t live at home – get a room. Don’t waste your money renting if you don’t need the space, or have options (key point).

Rule #5 When you purchase your first home – keep your eye on the prize – home ownership. Have you ever calculated the interest paid over the average 25 year mortgage term? Yikes. If you can purchase your first home while living with your parents and rent it out until you are ready to take it over – do it! I met a man who had a balance of $8000.00 on his mortgage by the time he got married. Did he finance another home? No! He moved into his mortgage free home (he transferred the mortgage balance to a low interest credit line), and he and his wife had a stress free wedding and welcomed their first child months later. If he was to lose his job…who cares? If he or his wife wanted to stay home for a bit…– go to town! That is security right there.

If you are purchasing your first home with a partner, spend the first couple of years paying down the mortgage. For instance, if you had a mortgage of $200,000 (what you owe the bank after your down payment and other fees) at a rate of 5.6% you would pay $163,876.14 in interest over 25 years. Who approved that? I mean we can’t even claim that interest on our taxes – ridiculous! And they wonder why I don’t want to invest in RRSP’s for 25 years…hey buddy – why don’t go ask the bank for my retirement savings? How about that? Anyway – I digress. If you were to pay an extra $1000 per month for a total mortgage payment of $2500 per month, then you would pay your mortgage off in approx 8 years! Get 2 or 3 jobs if you have to – and get furniture that has been lightly used or bring your old stuff with you! You will need that comfortable bed after working for 12-14 hours a day. In order to pay that $2500/month you would need to bring in around a combined income of 80K (gross) per year which would give you $4673 in NET monthly revenue. That should not be too hard to come by if you are able to avoid the potholes mentioned in Rule #2 . For instance, when you have children that need to be picked up from daycare at 6 (even if childcare was free) – it makes it difficult to have a part time job.  With a et revenue of roughly 4,500 you should have enough money for land tax, insurance, utilities, transportation, food, communication and even a bit of savings! You can even manage to stay out of debt! I think manageable debt is a wonderful thing, and considering the inflated costs of school, houses and cars – well I think that’s enough debt for a lifetime – don’t you?

Rule #6: Know the difference between spending and investing. Buying 3 pairs of cheap shoes that you can only wear clubbing is spending. One pair of leather shoes that you can wear comfortably to work for at least three seasons,  is an investment.

Rule#7: Do not purchase anything you cannot afford to lose. You can plan and plan but you have to know when to change your mind. If it isn’t working out – sell it. Do not sit there and wait for the ship to sink – get on with plan B! A good way to waste half your life is to fight over property. When you die you don’t take it with you.

I’d like to think my daughter is going to become the next Gabrielle Union – and maybe the boredom of 9-5 life may not be a part of her future – but the reality is there can be GREAT pleasure living the life of the layman- if we just find a way that works for us.

Here’s me, the pot…talking to kettle, eh?

Live.Love.Laugh

Dee