All good things….

Must come to an end they say. This blog is no exception. Since Jan 2008 ( and at the encouragement of an acquaintance) I launched this webpage for the amusement of others and myself, of course. Now that I have completed school I will be able to focus more on my other committments. I thought i’d be more excited about getting back into the arts. Its easy to forget all the consulting i’ve done over the years, the freelance work that people have been nice enough to offer me on account of my Computer Graphics studies and hobbies like Fashion design and journalism. I have dabbled in it – but never committed, and quite frankly, this blog is the greatest committment i’ve ever made to my work. Although many pieces are unedited and poorly written – I have not removed them simply because its all a part of the process. So for the next several weeks leading up to Jan 2009 – I will be posting my last blogs on this site. If I had it my way – I would do both – but realize that I just cannot.

Thank you all for your dedication, insporation and support. Thank you for your time, your comments, your emails and your encouragement. I will never know how many of those 5000+ hits were friends, foes or just mere strangers who happened up my work, but hopefully everyone has found at least something that speaks to them.

There are a few outstanding topic ‘requests’ that I will try to get to by the end of the year – so stay tuned….

Live.Love. Laugh.

Dee

Party Protocol

Party Protocol

Series: In a Perfect World

 In a perfect world, events are social gatherings that mark a particular special occasion – simply put. However I cannot help but notice a shift in the way we have come to carelessly handle these milestones, where instead of creating an atmosphere that draws people to it, we do the exact opposite.  Where the host is supposed to be gracious, they are often now pretentious and hostile. Hosts often leave invitees balking and bulged-eyed at their belligerent requests.

 

In my opinion, a few things need to be taken into consideration when putting on an event. Let’s get back to the basics.

 

1)       Party with a Purpose – you CANNOT have a party ‘just because’ then try to make it a legitimate celebration by desperately attaching it to an ancient tribal tradition which you came across in a National Geographic article. You are a Canadian and we do not have a custom of baby-naming ceremonies. We understand you waited for years to have your first child but as much as you may be convinced otherwise… noone (including you) is going to even remember the name ‘Kwazaii’. In addition, your child will be just as annoying as every one else’s in about 24 months, after which  you will come up with MANY other names for him – and I’m certain you won’t have a party for those.

 

2)       You want to have a ‘get together’ in the middle of winter – and you live where? Seriously? Let me speak for myself on this one. You do not need to be a Geography major to figure out what the word distance means. If you are going to throw a party ifrom December – March in Canada (except Vancouver), there is a high chance of what I have term party –postponement . That is my new term for the probability factor an event that may be cancelled. Do you know what makes that party-postponement probability higher? IF you have no damn good reason to have the party in the first place. Nobody is going to risk their lives to boost your ego. Sorry.

 

 

3)       Invitations…This could be a topic all on its own. Is it alright to ask for money? How should it be communicated? What about putting an exact amount? What if you haven’t even sent out real invitations but you still want people to bring money? When they do bring the money – are you planning on sending them thank you cards? Well. Apparently that’s no longer required. Some people ask for money, then bitch and complain when they get none – or don’t get how much they wanted. Funny enough the people who did bring something (gift or cash) get lost in the shuffle. You could check your email and/or inbox from now till the end of time – there will be no ‘thank you’ – for you. THAT is bad manners, and if you’ve committed this crime, you ought to slap  yourself across the face – and don’t be surprised if noone shows up for your functions ever again.

 

4)       What’s in it for me? A host must keep the needs of the guests in mind when preparing an affair. If you want me to buy a new dress, fly out of town, bring a gift and pay for parking – you better put on a good show. Enough said.

 

 

5)       Last but not least. I remember a time when people had weddings only. You would go to the wedding. You would bring a gift. Now, there are a myriad of stops on the never ending itinerary of their lives. There are engagement parties (sometimes several), a stag, a pre wedding tea party, a rehearsal dinner (God bless the wedding party) and this all happens….BEFORE the WEDDING!!! Followed by, the wedding, the  look-at-the-wedding-pictures party, a house warming, a baby shower…and birthday parties for the next 18 years. For the love of Christmas – have some dignity! I did not work for two whole weeks to just toss away my salary to you. Worst yet for it not to be appreciated. Many of the couples will never be there for any of your big days – and in terms of their acknowledgement of your efforts, a mere phone call will be difficult for them to muster up after the dust settles.

Single women without children–let this be a WARNING to you. Do not  allow your newly married friends to take you for a ride. They assume that your single, child free status is something from which you need to be cured. If you find yourself being taken advantage of, tell them this: Maybe, when they were single and child free, they should have saved enough money to avoid expecting everyone else to pay their way

 – but you know what? Some people are just greedy.

 

 I was inspired to write this when my girlfriend received a call from her dentists’ receptionist asking her to attend a stag. That’s right. The dentist’s receptionist. The stag was not for the dentist. It was some random couple who decided that this woman was fit to be in charge of the wedding’s celebratory events. This event, this ‘stag’ involved a limo ride to the wine region, wine tasting and partying downtown – all at the low-low cost of two hundred dollars. ‘Feel free to bring your friends’, she quipped. It’s such a shame that in the world of social gatherings the only thing free is our feelings.

:  ) Dee

Convocation 2009

Also known as the march of the funny hats…

Being absolutely exhausted of all things to do with school, I didn’t even feel the urge to blog about my graduation ceremony that occurred last month. I can only recall the calmness with which I floated through the procession, picked up my robe and hat, then wait… and wait…and wait for the celebration to begin. I wasn’t at all certain who besides my immediate family and friend, Dalia would be there to see me walk across the stage, but one thing was for sure – I did not feel alone.

Wedged in between my fellow classmates (none of which I’d ever seen before), I was number 109, a fitting reflection of the lack of personal touch that can only be compared to being part of a random study group. Surrounded by hundreds of strangers; young’ns, go-getters, and life changers ready to take on a world I’m already a part of. However, unlike our years in class – we felt comfortable enough to converse with one another. As it turned out, I was second in line to a young mother, and in front of an older mother, whose own daughter had graduated the year before. She was so touched with her accomplishment she fought back tears a few times during the ceremony. These two women made me realize, that I was not an anomaly; that many of these students have fought and persevered to achieve something that may not have seemed possible at one point or another. I listened to their stories of career changes, and previous studies to which they had committed themselves – only to change direction and a few years later.

Not unlike my story, is it? So we sat, eyes blinded by the piercing stage lights, facing the crowd of supporters and watched the procession of the accordion players, faculty, grad students, honourary degree recipient, and the chancellor who waved a funny looking wand and sat on a ‘throne’( seriously, its called a mace ), I felt honoured to be amongst them all. Every now and then I let myself tune out and dream of the day when my own son would saunter across that stage. It was the only moment where I caught myself getting a little teary eyed. Other times I had the sudden urge to watch Harry Potter. All those colourful get ups and strange hats and whatnot. Anyway – when it was my turn to walk across the stage, I was welcomed by the bellowing sounds of my husband, children, friend, mother and brother who were there to witness those seemingly final steps. In truth, they were first steps – Ad meliora. Attending that ceremony gave me comfort in the confirmation of the efforts put forth by myself and those around me, as well as setting an example for the children. I often remember my own mother’s graduation. And so when the Chancellor uttered those sweet, sweet words, ‘Admitto vos ad gradum’… I exhaled a great sigh of relief.

It was wonderful…

How to plan the perfect life. Okay – well maybe not so perfect

How to plan the perfect life. Okay – well maybe not so perfect

Series: In a Perfect World

In a perfect world, there would be a rule book for living in the modern era of the Western World. Growing up in North America is like living in a psychological war zone. Buy this. Pay that. This is your salary – wait ..no ..its actually 75% of what we actually told you. Go to school. No – go to school longer! Don’t have money? Go to work! Then take all that money you’re making and buy property. Oops – did we forget to teach you about credit? And so on and so on. It’s no wonder some of us feel as if we’ve gotten a bad deal. The complaints I hear most among adults when they’ve discovered a new secret to financial well being is not ‘I wish I had done that’ – but ‘ I wish someone had told me!’. There is nothing worse than being the last one to know.

So for those of us (the majority) who will spend most of our lives navigating the mean streets of corporate Canada – we should have a general set of life planning rules.

Rule #1. Complete your education while you are young. Whatever apprenticeship, post secondary education, entrepreneurship or training you mean to pursue is best done while you are young, vibrant, and still like people.

Rule #2. Invest in birth control and disease control measures – and take care of yourself. Stay away from too much liquor or drugs. There will always be potholes for your future earnings that spring up in these naïve years. These potholes are named, ‘child support payments’, lawyers fees, bail money, future high insurance premiums, pardon payments, rent, daycare fees, etc. Plus they sidetrack you from your goals. If you try your best and you still slip up – at least you can have pride in knowing you tried and you have a reason to pick yourself up and get back on track. Oh and learn about credit , and how to keep your score at a decent level. Just remember – it’s not a race to see how much you can get and how fast you can spend it.

Rule#3 Invest in a good mattress. Why? See Rule #5.

Rule#4 When you get your first legit gig – try to save as much as possible, and pay down whatever school debt you may have incurred. If you can’t live at home – get a room. Don’t waste your money renting if you don’t need the space, or have options (key point).

Rule #5 When you purchase your first home – keep your eye on the prize – home ownership. Have you ever calculated the interest paid over the average 25 year mortgage term? Yikes. If you can purchase your first home while living with your parents and rent it out until you are ready to take it over – do it! I met a man who had a balance of $8000.00 on his mortgage by the time he got married. Did he finance another home? No! He moved into his mortgage free home (he transferred the mortgage balance to a low interest credit line), and he and his wife had a stress free wedding and welcomed their first child months later. If he was to lose his job…who cares? If he or his wife wanted to stay home for a bit…– go to town! That is security right there.

If you are purchasing your first home with a partner, spend the first couple of years paying down the mortgage. For instance, if you had a mortgage of $200,000 (what you owe the bank after your down payment and other fees) at a rate of 5.6% you would pay $163,876.14 in interest over 25 years. Who approved that? I mean we can’t even claim that interest on our taxes – ridiculous! And they wonder why I don’t want to invest in RRSP’s for 25 years…hey buddy – why don’t go ask the bank for my retirement savings? How about that? Anyway – I digress. If you were to pay an extra $1000 per month for a total mortgage payment of $2500 per month, then you would pay your mortgage off in approx 8 years! Get 2 or 3 jobs if you have to – and get furniture that has been lightly used or bring your old stuff with you! You will need that comfortable bed after working for 12-14 hours a day. In order to pay that $2500/month you would need to bring in around a combined income of 80K (gross) per year which would give you $4673 in NET monthly revenue. That should not be too hard to come by if you are able to avoid the potholes mentioned in Rule #2 . For instance, when you have children that need to be picked up from daycare at 6 (even if childcare was free) – it makes it difficult to have a part time job.  With a et revenue of roughly 4,500 you should have enough money for land tax, insurance, utilities, transportation, food, communication and even a bit of savings! You can even manage to stay out of debt! I think manageable debt is a wonderful thing, and considering the inflated costs of school, houses and cars – well I think that’s enough debt for a lifetime – don’t you?

Rule #6: Know the difference between spending and investing. Buying 3 pairs of cheap shoes that you can only wear clubbing is spending. One pair of leather shoes that you can wear comfortably to work for at least three seasons,  is an investment.

Rule#7: Do not purchase anything you cannot afford to lose. You can plan and plan but you have to know when to change your mind. If it isn’t working out – sell it. Do not sit there and wait for the ship to sink – get on with plan B! A good way to waste half your life is to fight over property. When you die you don’t take it with you.

I’d like to think my daughter is going to become the next Gabrielle Union – and maybe the boredom of 9-5 life may not be a part of her future – but the reality is there can be GREAT pleasure living the life of the layman- if we just find a way that works for us.

Here’s me, the pot…talking to kettle, eh?

Live.Love.Laugh

Dee

# 1. Worst Job Interview Questions …and the answers we wish we could give.

Series: In a Perfect World

 

Whether you are a corporate tycoon or a teenager getting your first job at the local fast food joint- at some point in time you have been in THAT chair. And for all the able minded/bodied folk who have never been in that position you will be eventually (I say this knowing very well there are people who will never hold a job).

 

It is in that chair that all our pride goes out the window. Away from our family and friends, we are put upon display like fruit at the supermarket to be poked at, squeezed, sniffed and prodded for ‘ripeness’. In that  chair we beg and plead for something that we need but often don’t even want; A job.

 

While in this chair, the people across from you (the powers that be) will utilize their fancy vocabulary to dress up this ‘job’ by referring to it in many different terms such as an ‘opportunity’ (which implies that it will be the beginning of something favourable ), a ‘career’ (which implies growth and longevity) or a ‘position’ (which implies title, class and status). So picture yourself going into an interview, sitting in that chair and being barraged with questions about why you want to be the next receptionist at company ABC.  Questions such as:

 

Why do you want this position?

Does anyone really need to ask this question? This must be the tie breaker because I cannot for the life of me understand why it would be a mystery. I mean is there anyone out there that doesn’t need to get paid? Where do I sign up?

 

All that’s in a girl’s mind… according to Kendra Wilkinson.

All it takes sometimes is that one thing we say. I feel sorry for people who allow their interviews to be published before reading the final edit. This week’s eye opener is from someone who is a complete stranger to me – but as I have learned is an …actress/model whose rise to fame had something to do with being Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend. Hm

So – what brings me to this concise commentary is this particular portion of an interview PR.com conducted with Ms. Wilkinson.

PR.com: Explain to me the appeal of football.

Kendra Wilkinson: I feel like I have the same mind as guys, more so [than girls]. I’m not a fan of getting dressed up. I’m not a fan of shopping. I’m not a fan of putting on makeup or doing my hair. So count me out of talking about all that gossip shit with girls. I’m about gossiping about sports, and when football season is on I’m in a zone, you know?’

That’s right folks. Who knew? Who knew that a 23 year old woman who has never had to pay her own bills (before recently), who earns her living as a model, and whose ex- boyfriend to one of the oldest living sexually active organisms alive – had solved the age old question of nature vs. nurture.

Giving advice to a girlfriend who says, “He’s REALLY good in bed…BUT”.

Giving advice to a girlfriend who says, “He’s REALLY good in bed…BUT”.

But. But. – But he’s a loser. That’s what she’s thinking. What should a friend say to that?

The war was fought – the Degree has been conquered.

Its over

School is over – I did it. We did it. 4 classes in a 6 week span was CRAZY – but it can be done. So whomever you are out there – male or female, single or attached…broke or less broke. If you want to do it– and you work really hard and have support – it can be done.

                   Special thanks to Michy (for all the hours you put in to help me study), Dalia n Nick, Heather, Vanessa, (for watching the little ones when I needed a break) Joy, Melissa, Simone, Ramona, Kamilah and Marsha (you guys are the best cheerleaders ever – always giving me positive reinforcement) Nicole -how could I forget you relieving me of my cooking duties and brightening up our kitchen with your veggie dishes. Mrs Murrell, grandma, the kids, (for their patience) , my brothers ( for allowing me to escape when it was all done), my coworkers who were always cheering me on and trying to help me with tasks they hadn’t tackled in years, and last but NEVER least, Andre – who did everything above and more : ) and a special thanks for supporting my decision to use DaCosta on my degree because as you said oh so eloquently, ‘ That was my name   when ‘I’ was born and therefore – that is who ‘I’ am, and the name which all my accomplishments should bear.’ (okay I paraphrased – but you said something like that..right?)  Love you more than all the stars in the sky.

Oh and if i’m forgetting anyone I apologize – even those who should be here for this occassion but are not whether out of choice or just circumstances.

Auntie Pat, You left us the day before school was done and I was looking forward to spending more time with you. If it were not for you – I may not have been able to finish high school – much less a diploma and now a degree. Your family is my family. We love you. We miss you.

I  know you will find true rest in Our Father’s arms.

 

Denise

Financial Advice for folks who are broke….no …REALLY broke.

Financial Advice for folks who are broke….no …REALLY broke.

I feel sometimes that I dwell on a planet far far away – and simply come here to work, visit and enjoy the international cuisine. I received a newsletter from our financial advisor this week that featured a ‘heartbreaking’ story of a couple (‘just like us’) in their 30’s, who were struggling to keep up with their finances. They had two young children, 20k in student debt, 15k in credit card debt, a 130k mortgage, and get this….100k in savings. However the poor saps had lost 20% of their savings in the recent financial downturn and were now living pay cheque-to-pay cheque. The author then probes, ‘does this remind you of your situation?’.

Journals from the Fourth Wave of Feminism – Part VI

Disorders

I am about to make a fallacious statement in regards to a related topic not yet covered in our course. Health care. The culprit of the ignorance people (male and female) have in regards to our menstrual and sexual disorders can be solely attributed I believe, to health care. My doctors have never discussed sexuality with me and I find their treatment of female related issues to be with a dismissive attitude. For myself, I seldom find that my doctor addresses my concerns with more than a wave of the wrist and a ‘meh’ attitude. I also believe that this lack of social, medical and education support in combination with the dominant images of sexuality (literature, media and particularly pornography) are key factors to the sexual attitudes of females . How connected are female sexual dysfunctions to these factors? There is another side to this domino effect. There may be many women out there who feel that their sexual problem is attributed to internal problems rather than the social contexts as referred to in Naomi Weisstein’s article. It is abhorrent how targeted we are as consumers to the point where we put more effort in medicating our psychological sexual problems than into the research and education of those problems.