I am not here to discourage you, nor do I intend to enlighten you, I am merely here to inform you that becoming a parent is most challenging in the area of self growth.
I am here to disabuse you of the notion that the few moments that we witness in the presence of others and their young, is a representation of their parenting experience. Not even close.
I am here to disabuse you of the notion that the cost of having a child lies within the furniture purchases – the back to school and Christmas clothing sprees, birthday parties, RESPs and hockey lessons. It is more than being unable – or resisting the urge to splurge relentlessly on ourselves. More than the vacation we planned to take, the car we promised to purchase… I am here to disabuse you of the notion that taking care of a child is more than the inconvenience of wet pants, soiled diapers, sleepless nights and a messy home. It might be seen when you should be elsewhere but you find yourself unapologetically waiting in a crowded clinic. The moment starts when his eyes seem to roll backward and you cry out for help – and the whole room seems to disappear.
Or
It might be after a few weeks after the joyous celebration of his birthday, the moment when you get the phone call. Another meeting. Another suspension.
It might be during a middle school graduation. The moment when he takes off his cap and without having to reach up – comfortably places it on your head.
It might be after a shouting match. A battle of authority – the moment when you lay down the law and must watch the turbulence of his spirit succumb to fear.
It might lie in the moments when you cannot sleep for fear he will stop breathing, when a certain cry arouses a sign of panic, a stubborn fever, a persistent cough, a slipping grade, a missed assignment, a visit from a social worker, a call from the sitter.
It is in the unspeakable moments. The ones kept within the confines of your own home. It is in the secrets that you keep for them and from them.
It is the endless curiosity at their sheer stupidity at times, their courage, their stubborn nature, their reflections of you and that which you have never known.
It lies within those moments when you realize that they, like you are an independent and complex being that may or may not outlive you. May become the abused or the abuser. The thief , the prisoner, the pastor or the atheist, the swinger, the prostitute, the doctor or the drug dealer, or the happy cashier at the fast food store. The unhappy executive. The peaceful entrepreneur. The teacher, the student – a citizen of this world.
It is in these moments you realize that being responsible for another human challenges you to become a better one.
