Fighting Corporate Bullying

       I never for once thought I’d have to be writing an article like this, but I’ve had quite enough. My girlfriend had an experience today that made me absolutely furious. Not only because it happened her, but to me in almost the exact fashion. The way that woman are bullied in the workplace has to stop. I’m not referring to physical contact here, I mean the psychological bullying that tends to happen to people who are consciously excelling in their positions and behave professionally within the corporate social realm.   

      I am waiting and pleading that women from non-African descent will submit their similar experiences in the workplace before I start lose my faith. For those who have experienced what I am about to discuss,  whatever it is that the world thinks you are, however it is they go about trying to define you ,whether by race, religion, age, nationality or complexion (they have SO much to choose from) – know that you are NOT alone. 

        The situation is this: You work in an office environment and you consider yourself to be relatively happy with your work, friendly and have no previous problems with office staff. Your performance is way above average and you are getting nothing but kudos from your managers. It’s all on paper.  Then one day, out of the blue, the manager needs to speak with you ‘right away’.  

And a few minutes later you leave the room feeling like you’ve had your soul stomped on.  The script usually goes something like this: 

“Is everything…okay?”

You scan your mind for the most recent events in your life, a flat tire, an overdue bill , a monster loan…maybe you rushed your little one to the ER room last night. There is that court date coming up next month because they’ve delayed it again… “Well”, you start “Yeah – everything is fine…why?”

 If this person was listening to you – If this person actually believed what you said –If this person had any true insight on who you were and genuinely cared about your well being, they might follow up this response conversation by saying – 

 “Oh – okay – I thought you looked a bit down so I just wanted to check.” Or “ Let me know if there is anything you need.” But you see – that doesn’t happen because none of the above apply. “Is everything…okay?”  is the scripted managerial corporate language that translates  as     

 “ You are not okay – because I have decided so . I’m just letting you know – so if you thought you were okay – or thought that you were happy here – I need to re-educate you. You have followed all the written rules, and you think everything is fine – but THAT is not the case.”  That would be a swift blow, but direct, honest and would give the messenger the burden of accountability.

However, being the sly, manipulative cowards that they are, what they really say is this,  “I’ve been hearing that you don’t really want to be here. And I can’t have that type of negativity in my group.”  

You sit there agape and frantically try to defend yourself, stumbling over words and downright making a jacka** of yourself in front of the individual as they sit back and RELISH in it.  

“Who said that? I don’t understand” you demand.

“It doesn’t matter who said it. It was several people.”  Several? Oh yes – that either means you are terrible important or the manager solicited that conversation of ‘negativity’ with others in the office. Isn’t that called ‘gossiping?’ 

 “I don’t know who would say that.. I hear people complain all the time around here and I barely contribute – I certainly don’t any more than anyone else – and I get along with everyone fine…” 

“Oh yes – you do get along with everyone..” You look confused. 

“So – its because I don’t gossip with them that they are mad at me? I’m not negative – I just come in do my job and leave.” 

“No -no -you aren’t negative and you do a great job.”  You continue to stutter away and the the manager will nod her/his head and say ‘uh huh’ a few times and finish off as if you had never opened your mouth. 

“Well. Whenever you have a problem with anyone else or myself – you need to come to me directly. If anybody has a problem working here they can leave. I need to know you are on board, because I’m building a team here, and that requires a positive personality.” 

What just happened? You ask yourself, and then stomp out of the office and scan the tops of the cubicles trying to understand what you did wrong and who set you up.  

Don’t bother.  I have seen this happen to women of African descent SO many times that if I hadn’t had the pleasure of working with the people I do now – I would have never thought an ethical manager existed in all of corporate GTA.  I want to tell you that ‘It isn’t you – it is them’, ut I still can’t bring myself to do that – because it makes me feel powerless and I do not like how that feels.  

It feels the same way when you’ve been berated for talking to your co-worker a few times this week – and yet Susanne and Jennifer have been chatting it up daily in the caf for a solid five years about and their new houses, cars and travel plans. No one has EVER dared speak to them about that.  

Or what about the time when the Manager from another department decided to use you as a back up for his secretary on vacation, without so much as asking. You get in Monday morning and someone else’s phone is forwarded to your desk. When you call the manager to explain that you have your own work to do – and you know what follows this…your manager needs to have a ‘talk’.  

Have you ever been told who you are allowed to communicate with in the office? 

Told where to sit in a meeting?

Told what to wear?

Is someone timing your lates, absences and phone calls and no one else’s? 

Oh yes. Psychological bullying is alive and well in the workplace and everyone seems to be onboard. Trying to see things from another’s viewpoint, I am trying so hard to think of what would make me want to think the worst of someone that has not done anything to offend me.  I would like to understand what would make me threaten someone else’s livelihood when they have been an asset to the company I claim to protect. And why would I ask a human being to give me a promise of devotion and loyalty that I fail to display? Worst yet, something that life cannot guarantee.

The long haul ?

Can you guarantee me that your company will be always be successful?

Provide me with the opportunity to expand my knowledge and grow?

Can you promise me that you will never fire me? Or that the company will not fire you?

Or that you won’t leave or die before I do?

These people have some damn nerve. But there is hope! Now that paying your employees is mandated by law – it looks like you have free reign to work wherever you choose, and even if the next bunch are as repulsive as the last, hopefully you will  increase your knowlege base, make more contacts, and get paid more. 

 

There are good people managing companies out there. Don’t spend your life working for and with ingrates.