What qualifies as a gift?

 

Should cost be considered when qualifying a token as a gift? What about ownership?

If you are married –can you really buy your spouse a car as a gift? What about a house?

 

Have you ever heard someone gloating about the new ‘car’ their husband bought them? Hmm. It makes me wonder what these people expect you to say…I mean…if he paid for it – then  didn’t you technically pay for it …yourself…I mean since you’re married and all. And if he bought it FOR you without your knowledge, then it must be in his name – which would mean its not really registered to you…

 

I mean will he be making the monthly payments? And where was that money going before? Actually where did they money come from? You just don’t save up $5000.00-$10,000 without someone noticing. Or CAN you? Did he cash out his life savings? Perhaps money he had prior to your meeting?  What happened? These are the questions I would be asking if someone (particularly an acquaintance) takes up my valuable time to tell me that they were given a rather expensive ‘gift’ from a spouse. I find it particularly insensitive and rude if the person on the receiving end of this tall tale is single. 

 

If this should happen to you, stop and think about why they felt the need to mention it. Are they planning on giving you a ride in this new car? No. They plan on parking it at the far end of the parking lot between two spaces for the remainder of their tenure – and keep the plastic wrappings on the seats. They might not even let you get close, but will be sure to wave as they pass you at the bus stop in the dead of winter. I mean if its such a great car – why doesn’t it have brakes ?  

So how do we respond to these akward comments? In advance, one should prepare a list in the event that you should be approached. Perhaps you can reply,

“Oh that’s nice.  See this $400.00 suit? I bought it as a gift for myself? Isn’t that wonderful?” 

Or what about the house you and your husband bought? Perhaps that could qualify that as a gift if he put in more money than you did! Or the wedding? Is this going to become the new ‘engagement ring’ syndrome? We can brag about each purchase made by another individual –  but to what point?

 

Leave it to us humans to convince ourselves that gifts from a spouse reflects the quality of our relationships or is reflection of their thoughts of us, and of their own worth. This of course is a heap of baloney. Just ask anyone who is divorced – who owns what.

 

 

Denise

The Art of Conversation – repost by popular demand

This is dedicated to Keisha, and Andre. The first people I ever knew to hold productive conversations with strangers.  You have been resources for us all.

It would be naïve to think that our relationships is based solely on good looks and smarts, but the quality of friendshipls lie in our ability to communicate.  Some of us are better at one on one, while others flourish in group settings. I myself find some awkwardness in contributing in a group setting, particularly if there are microcosms of conversations occurring in the same network while you are attempting to speak.  

We, the socially inept have a respect for those who are able to find a common ground with the unalike – and are able to take a non-existent relationship into respectable and mutual connection. This is a gift, and is a valuable, if not necessary tool for survival in our society.   After years of careful observation, I have deduced the following groups of conversation participants and key areas of opportunity in order to improve one’s ability to converse. 

Dumb questions people ask and the answers I wish I could give

Dumb questions people ask and the answers I wish I could give

 

 

–at work.

 

Questions turn strangers into companions and colleagues into enemies. Here are a few questions that define the latter of the two.

 

5 Things you should never apologize for

 

 

1)                  Leaving work on time.

a.       I mean does anyone apologize for coming in early?

b.      Are they paying you for the extra hours?

c.       Did they even ask you to stay late?

 

If your answer is no – then why the heck are you apologizing?  You are irritating your coworkers. Say your good byes – go home and stop being a kiss a**.

 

Dear Pretty friend, stop trying to control my social life.

 I know you mean well, my friend – but please stop trying to control my social life.

 

I’m a big girl – I can handle my own conversations. So when a man approachess me or happens to look my way – please, let me speak. Don’t tell him all the reasons why he shouldn’t try to pick me up – because he didn’t try.

 

Please don’t ask him embarrassing questions like,

 “Isn’t she cute?’ or “Doesn’t she look just like me?” or “Don’t you just love her curves?”

The answer to either of these questions is already staged – if you were in a court of law they would cry ‘objection!’ for leading the witness.

 

Vicarious Vanity and Meticulous Mating – not an apparent match

Is vanity innate or learned? What part does it play in social realm of mating?

 

Vanity

 

Excessive pride in one’s appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit

 

Above all things that irritate me about people, the characteristic of vanity is among the top five. – but now I have come to understand the link between mating and vanity….. The  UK did a study on mating behaviour:

Matters of Attraction

Sometimes life requires one to stand in another’s shoe. I haven’t been single in about …. 12 years…actually maybe 13 years – so I’m not the subject matter expert here. What continues to interest me however, are the fascinating dynamics of the male–female relationship.  

Who chooses who?  

One’s life these days does not seem complete if not dotted with numerous failed relationships along its path. Some of us have had a bit of bad luck, others a few long term relationships–and then there are those of us who just…let it happen.  Hasn’t it ever puzzled you why ‘John’ or ‘that girl over there’ seems to just date…well whoever chooses them or the vice versa scenario;

Scenario #1: Girl chooses boy. Boy says ‘ok’ (having nothing better to do) and spends the whole relationship looking for someone he actually likes. 

Sounds like the typical teenage relationship, doesn’t it?  Well now, when we have supposedly ‘grown up’ – why do we continue to default to the same pedantic patterns of our younger years? There was plenty at stake then and much more now; your time, your reputation, your soul…If there is anything I’ve learned from studies, experience and observation, it’s that men typically don’t fare well with rejection. That not only indicates that it is difficult for them to be rejected – but also to ‘reject’.  So what you end up having are people who have convinced themselves that they are in relationships when they are really one or two single folks … pretending that they are adored or that they themselves possess someone. Is this what they call ‘settling’?       

There is a happy medium, you can choose someone who also chooses you -but some like the challenge; the Sisyphean task of chasing the fantasy. Human nature I guess.  

Denise