The E.P.E. theory of Negative Assortative Mating

Response to “What do you mean you’re surprised my husband is black”, by Michelle Walker

 

I am not sure that I have any great insight to add to your thought-provoking ruminations more than what we have discussed in the past but I know that it has spurned many more questions at least it has for me.  Sit back folks and strap yourselves in tight its going to be a long & bumpy ride.

Dear ‘Pretty’ friend, you are the weakest link

 

 

I decided to add to my earlier blog because I had so much more to say about the topic.  Now let’s begin by refining the definition a bit. ‘Pretty’ friend – does not mean pretty which would make you or any other friend unpretty. ‘Pretty’ is to ‘Beautiful‘ what “Privilege’ is to being ‘White’. Being one does not automatically assume the other. The ‘pretty’ friend therefore, is the one who always been told throughout their lives that they are not just pretty – but prettier than most others and MOST importantly – that this allows them a certain entitlement. By deductive logic, these people conclude that it is okay for them to be rude, obnoxious, insulting, and most importantly the center of attention at all times.  

 

What do you mean you’re surprised my husband is black?

and other questions for this week…

 

At some point we all do it I suppose. We meet people who don’t instantly reveal their  entire lives to us and so in order to fill in the missing elements we create the stories about them all by ourselves. We can picture their homes, the way their spouses and children look like. If you take a moment to select someone around you – just try it.  Try to see how many things you would bet on and what you would think twice about before assuming. The reason I bring this into question is because I had observed a particularly increasing phenomenon (okay well not just me) – but for this particular example I will use my husband and myself. The short of it is – people are surprised to find out that we are married to each other. WHY, you ask? Is it because I’m 105 lbs and he rolls in at 200 lbs? Is it because our parents are from different islands ? Different religions? Age difference of a whole year? What – I ask – what is it?

Apparently folks. Its because we’re both black.

 

When is it okay to tell a kid to “Shut Up”?

With love, of course

 

Before you get all riled up – let me save you the time. I have officially found the moment. So this morning was no different from any other in that I was taking my neighbour’s child to school, when she remarked (for the second time in as many weeks), “Have you thought about cleaning your car?” I barely raised a brow – in fact I ignored her the first time. She insisted however by repeating the question. I told ‘baby girl’ that the thought had never occurred to me – in a joking way of course, considering she sat by and watched me clean my van a week or ago. There was a slight pause when I assumed this uncomfortable conversation had come to an end – when suddenly she started up again,  “Don’t you think you should keep it clean for us when we drive with you?” I must say that her argument is by no means fallacious; the girl likes her area clean… or in retrospect perhaps it might be a combination of her comments and  her parents’ opinion speaking – but lets carry on. I bought into it I must admit. She pulled the trigger and I jumped.

“When you get older,” I started, “ and you are working fulltime, going to school fulltime and raising two children, I’ll come by to tell you what to clean.” She QUICKLY responded “I think you’d be dead by then.”

 

Now what I remember about the next few moments is how QUIET my daughter was in all this.  I never really thought I’d find a child whose mouth was bigger than hers.

 I’m certain I’d be dead before you’d be doing all that, “ is all I could muster up. The feeling of defeat was temporary but intense. My daughter, a self-professed ‘Dissing – champion’ at school must have been ashamed.

So when she brought her mother into it I went back for round three.

“My mother”, she started (the eyebrows were both up at this point), “She works and she still cleans her car.”

“Well then ride with her.” I suggested. This spat went back and forth until I threatened to inform her mother that she wishes to start walking to school – WHITE FLAG!!!!! She was defeated. “No – I don’t want to walk to school.” A smile tore across my face – “Well then,” I suggested…“ SHAT – AP!”

 

Moments later I turned into the kiss ‘n’ ride and we said our amicable goodbyes. I could have thrown down the usual West Indian authoritative gauntlet much earlier in this relationship, but sometimes its just not worth ruining all the hard work her parents have done in encouraging her free speech. After all she was the same kid that had me laughing with stories of her father falling down drunk, (and just to clear things up… I in no way struck up that conversation).  When asked what she learned from that particular experience she remarked, “ Never drink ….and then try to walk.” You gotta give it to a girl who can give hell – AND take it in strides.

Don’t change too much baby girl.

 

Love, your auntie Dee

 

No more daydreaming at the gas pumps…

Those days are so over…  

 

 

While I’d like to sit idly by and pretend the current gas prices aren’t affecting my budget, I can no longer ignore this pressing financial issue. It’s a Saturday, and we’re headed to Pacific Mall for some ‘particulars’ but after our trip – the $20 we had put in gas before we left had run right out. So we stopped at Petro Canada and hubby decided he was going to take a glance away from the pump and toward the beautiful blue sky. BIG MISTAKE – can’t do THAT any more. The poor man rushed to the van in panic searching frantically for the extra money that he had racked up in the 20 seconds he had spent staring into outer-space.  Alls well that ends well – this time around, we left with our driver’s licenses and dignity intact – but that was pretty close.

 

What have we come to? 1.38/litre has changed my life from predictably responsible to a total gamble; “Will I go to work today?” I dunno – let’s check the gas prices. “Should I go to school? If I get there I might not be able to get home seeing as the $10 I have in the bank will have to pay for parking”.  These are changing times my friends. A hardworking man can’t even daydream at the pump anymore. This Christmas I might be fighting the naughty kids for their piece of coal unless Father Christmas is being appointed to the Enbridge Board of Directors and is bringing Gas cards for everyone.

 

Bah Hambug.

 

Dee

“I like you better…with hair.” And other social ‘female-beauty’ faux pas

Revised definition of Beauty: Woman with… hair…long hair…and preferably straight.  

 

 

 

Since when? And In which dictionary – (because I must need to upgrade my Microsoft Office) is beauty defined by gender, creed or the number one deal breaker – the amount of hair follicles falling from your scalp? That is not the definition I found. While we’re on the topic however, I must take the time to question why hair is such a big deal.

 

Overall, of all women in the general population (excluding those with health related hair related problems) black women have had it hardest. It has not been a fun ride. I’m not taking this opportunity to lash out but rather to educate you with entertainment. If you only  knew the trouble women go through maintain a sense of normalcy in the eyes of society. Actually a few weeks ago a friend of mine who is black, but hair is of a more manageable texture stood perplexed watching me apply a relaxer to my hair. She discovered that it was time consuming, dangerous and well that there was nothing relaxing about it.  

Why then do we continue to do it? Most parents would say that once their daughter’s hair is straightened it becomes more manageable and therefore allows the child to take care of their own hair, leaving the parents time to tend to other concerns.  What has become synonymous with this discussion however, is beauty. 

 

Surrogate Parenting – a sin? Stop the presses!

Who knew?

 

 

I don’t believe I’ve ever given this topic more than the slight raise of an eyebrow before reading about a Cardinal, referred to as ‘Rodrigez’, who disapproves of singer, Ricky Martin’s planned parenthood choice. Apparently Mr. Martin has become a father by means of a surrogate mother.  According to BE interactive, the Cardinal’s argument is based on the following premises:

 

1)                   Surrogate parenting is equal to purchasing a child

2)                   A figure in the public eye is responsible for the establishment and maintenance of  moral standards; in this case, the value of human life.

3)                   That Ricky Martin is a role model

 

His conclusion is that it (surrogate parenting and parenting single father parenting) is unjust to the child and deprives them of dignity. I’m just not sure I understand where he’s coming from with this. I gather from the rest of the article that the peanut gallery is privy to information that we just aren’t. Like the fact that Mr. Martin plans on raising these children (twin boys) sans maternal figure, according to some other opinionated man. The two arguments are not synonymous. Comparing surrogate parenting to purchasing human life and saying that a child needs a mother are two completely different arguments. If I had to choose (and you know I like to pick my battles) I’d debate the latter. I am a firm believer that if at all possible (of course under certain circumstances this is not possible – I know that people), a child should be raised by both biological parents. Of course I don’t expect us humans to live up to that. For goodness sakes – it’s not like we’re monkeys!  Holy cow – the responsibility – the inconvenience – but let me not get started on that.