Surrogate Parenting – a sin? Stop the presses!

Who knew?

 

 

I don’t believe I’ve ever given this topic more than the slight raise of an eyebrow before reading about a Cardinal, referred to as ‘Rodrigez’, who disapproves of singer, Ricky Martin’s planned parenthood choice. Apparently Mr. Martin has become a father by means of a surrogate mother.  According to BE interactive, the Cardinal’s argument is based on the following premises:

 

1)                   Surrogate parenting is equal to purchasing a child

2)                   A figure in the public eye is responsible for the establishment and maintenance of  moral standards; in this case, the value of human life.

3)                   That Ricky Martin is a role model

 

His conclusion is that it (surrogate parenting and parenting single father parenting) is unjust to the child and deprives them of dignity. I’m just not sure I understand where he’s coming from with this. I gather from the rest of the article that the peanut gallery is privy to information that we just aren’t. Like the fact that Mr. Martin plans on raising these children (twin boys) sans maternal figure, according to some other opinionated man. The two arguments are not synonymous. Comparing surrogate parenting to purchasing human life and saying that a child needs a mother are two completely different arguments. If I had to choose (and you know I like to pick my battles) I’d debate the latter. I am a firm believer that if at all possible (of course under certain circumstances this is not possible – I know that people), a child should be raised by both biological parents. Of course I don’t expect us humans to live up to that. For goodness sakes – it’s not like we’re monkeys!  Holy cow – the responsibility – the inconvenience – but let me not get started on that.

 

One major argument is the child’s welfare, and how two parents don’t guarantee that each child will turn out…. functional. That is true. How does anyone guarantee that?  ‘Unfit’ parents, -however one chooses to define them – are not conveniently pre packaged between the ages of 12-25 (the Western version of teenage years), nor are they confined to a particular salary range, neighbourhood, or square footage of living quarters. Each of us being distinctive individuals require a different combination of parenting to be able to reach our full potential.

 

Simply put, the people who helped create us should know what most of these needs are since we are in fact a product of them. Whether or not they are able to tend to those needs however, is   the starting point from which we can argue parental aptitude- if there is any such thing.   I suppose this discourse is just that. Discourse. I  am not pretending to know the answer to questions for which there might be few. Mr. Martin wanted to be a father, and I assume that he felt so capable and eager to become one that he chose to go about it in a less conventional way than many of us could relate to. What I can say is that it would appear that his parenting experience is one of forethought. He had these children because he wanted them –and felt he had the resources to raise them (which I believe most of us would assume if it were solely about age and funds). However for the cardinal to suggest that single fatherhood is unjust to the child..would it have been any different if he had adopted children? What if that child was abandoned, conceived without forethought – without planning? Is that child deprived of dignity? What the heck does that really mean anyway? What does it mean to be deprived of dignity as a newborn being cared for by a loved one?

 

If Mr. Martin does choose to raise his children alone – is it different from a woman who repeatedly bears fatherless children??  

 

The best gift we can give our children is to truly know them and give them what they need to become contributing and caring citizens of the world. We start by asking ourselves how we are parenting our children in the moment and assessing how effective that strategy is. We can assess their needs and plan modifications and improvements to be made in order to help our children become functioning adults. We can start by asking ourselves the question, ‘Am I parenting these children in a way that is effective to them and how are they responding to it? This is a much more rewarding and progressive approach to the discussion of parenting than simplifying the subject as a sort of competency. If we want to be better parents we can’t do so by assuming others who take a different path are wrong and therefore we are right. That’s called a fallacious argument. Go look it up.

 

Luv,

 

Dee