“I like you better…with hair.” And other social ‘female-beauty’ faux pas

Revised definition of Beauty: Woman with… hair…long hair…and preferably straight.  

 

 

 

Since when? And In which dictionary – (because I must need to upgrade my Microsoft Office) is beauty defined by gender, creed or the number one deal breaker – the amount of hair follicles falling from your scalp? That is not the definition I found. While we’re on the topic however, I must take the time to question why hair is such a big deal.

 

Overall, of all women in the general population (excluding those with health related hair related problems) black women have had it hardest. It has not been a fun ride. I’m not taking this opportunity to lash out but rather to educate you with entertainment. If you only  knew the trouble women go through maintain a sense of normalcy in the eyes of society. Actually a few weeks ago a friend of mine who is black, but hair is of a more manageable texture stood perplexed watching me apply a relaxer to my hair. She discovered that it was time consuming, dangerous and well that there was nothing relaxing about it.  

Why then do we continue to do it? Most parents would say that once their daughter’s hair is straightened it becomes more manageable and therefore allows the child to take care of their own hair, leaving the parents time to tend to other concerns.  What has become synonymous with this discussion however, is beauty. 

 

Growing up we are surrounded by adults saying ‘ That child needs to have her hair ‘creamed’. Why don’t you press it or something?”

Others are concerned with which child has the ‘good’ hair and where the one with the ‘bad’ hair got it from. Mothers examine potential ‘child bearers’ for their sons by comparison of hair quality. Its remarkable that they can connect this idea of genetics but then they can’t figure out why their own children develop maladaptive discriminative qualities. It never occurred to them that teaching someone to value a caste-like beauty or even the operationalizing the concept of beauty automatically excludes themselves , most of their colleagues and the children themselves from the desired ideal.

 

I believe this is why some people intentionally search out partners that look nothing like their parents – not because they like who they are looking for but that they’re running from what they think they know. No justice to either individual if you ask me but that’s an entirely different conversation.

 

So the nagging question must be ‘what’s the big deal?’ The big deal is this: its one thing for my child to have to watch long straight and often blonde hair being flashed before her on the tele, in the cartoons, in their books on the billboards etc.  etc. (Cartoons are filled with this material).  Its another when my child grows up to a functioning self assured adult who enters the business world only to discover that in order to improve her chances of securing (and sometimes maintaining) a job – she must have a weave.

 

What’s a weave??

Well when your favourite Hollywood star with shoulder length blonde hair stars in a new feature film as Pocahontas, and she has raven black waist length hair… its called a ‘weave’, darling. Or a wig. But you get my point.

 

So knowing this, using a bit of common sense and just downright minding your own business – you too could avoid committing the insulting attrocities that often happen to women with less hair or hair that the rest of the world thinks we need to be cured from.  The following is a list of ‘faux-pas’ that are often committed in the workplace by those who for some strange reason seem to believe they have the right to say things to us that are just… NOT ‘OKAY’. Let’s take a look at some real examples.

 

 

 

 

Example A

 

A professional has just changed her hairstyle from neatly braided cornrows to her normally straightened ‘do’. Her male manager comments, “That looks more professional”.

 

Ditto-  to the other professional who experienced the exact commentary after weaving her normally braided hair.

 

These types of comments… NOT okay

 

Example B

 

When her employee with neck length curly black hair gets a straight shoulder length weave, a manager decides to skip all of the normal social graces and greets her saying ‘ Oh with your hair like that you look even more like (insert name of other black employee with straight hair). Your husband must like it better that way”

 

This is NOT okay.

 

 

Example C

 

A certain ‘privileged’ professional who dates indiscriminately believes it gives her the right to insult and to discriminate against the women of that culture based on her self-assumed ‘inclusion’ (some contract she signed with God or something – I don’t know)  sends out an email to only the black women in her office. After a trip to the ladies room she wrote, she found a piece of someone’s weave on the FLOOR which is at her desk if the person wishes to retrieve it.

 

This is NOT OKAY.

 

Example D

 

When a professional woman with a short natural hair cut gets long braids her coworkers fluttered around her like butterflies.  Her manager mentions that her attitude has much improved and that she has become more … approachable. Suddenly males take interest in how she styles her person. “Why don’t you let it down – I like it like that.”

“Don’t take it out. I like you better…with hair”.

 

This is NOT OKAY.

 

So now that you have been enlightened/educated, or just simply entertained. For those of us who have decided to grow our hair naturally, keep it nice and short, locked, twisted and knotted your hair, or just mowed the whole thing off. I applaud you for going against the grain – by not changing what genetics has provided you with. For the rest of us – we need to start thinking of some witty comebacks because the next time that happens to me – I might need to make a phone call. Lol just kidding.. Dee