What do you mean you’re surprised my husband is black?

and other questions for this week…

 

At some point we all do it I suppose. We meet people who don’t instantly reveal their  entire lives to us and so in order to fill in the missing elements we create the stories about them all by ourselves. We can picture their homes, the way their spouses and children look like. If you take a moment to select someone around you – just try it.  Try to see how many things you would bet on and what you would think twice about before assuming. The reason I bring this into question is because I had observed a particularly increasing phenomenon (okay well not just me) – but for this particular example I will use my husband and myself. The short of it is – people are surprised to find out that we are married to each other. WHY, you ask? Is it because I’m 105 lbs and he rolls in at 200 lbs? Is it because our parents are from different islands ? Different religions? Age difference of a whole year? What – I ask – what is it?

Apparently folks. Its because we’re both black.

 

That’s right. He’s encountered this more times than myself and I NEVER get tired of hearing the story of how his coworkers reacted to a picture of yours truly. “Your wife is black?” These coworkers are un-black by the way (I just love putting remixes on words I despise). So here I was thinking how weird his coworkers were – and then I was moved to wonder just how much did it surprise them that they actually opened their mouths and said it… OUTLOUD? So I had my fair share of giggles until this weekend. This weekend I introduced my family to a Director at my company who later commented to a colleague of mine “Oh I met her family – their so cute… but I didn’t think her husband was black.”

 

My poor coworker who grew up in the Middle East and believes that my comments about people thinking in colour are ‘all in my head’ – is now celebrating her first ‘welcome to North American society’ moment. Mind you – we didn’t discuss it much – we were just killing ourselves – just howling.  But I have to wonder, most of the women we know, black women that are married to white – non – Caribbean, non – African men (because I don’t know any that are married to any other culture)  met their husbands at work! And here we were trying to figure out why don’t people seem interested in dating/marrying black women? Are we women scorned? So we put together a theory Michelle and I. Its called the E.P.E. theory. Exposure. Proximity. Environment.  Proportionally speaking in the GTA, young female black office workers are rising in numbers, where dominant demographic in corporations is white males. That being said this change forces us to interact with each other to some degree and for those who are looking for the right thing – all the exterior ‘barriers’ fall by the wayside. I think this is awesome progress on our part as people. Never mind that this in no way answers my question as to why.  WHY people assume that my husband and I were better suited to some ideal other.

 

Fascinating. I’ll let you know when I get an answer. From anybody. I’ll take anything at this point.

Patiently waiting, Denise