When is it okay to tell a kid to “Shut Up”?

With love, of course

 

Before you get all riled up – let me save you the time. I have officially found the moment. So this morning was no different from any other in that I was taking my neighbour’s child to school, when she remarked (for the second time in as many weeks), “Have you thought about cleaning your car?” I barely raised a brow – in fact I ignored her the first time. She insisted however by repeating the question. I told ‘baby girl’ that the thought had never occurred to me – in a joking way of course, considering she sat by and watched me clean my van a week or ago. There was a slight pause when I assumed this uncomfortable conversation had come to an end – when suddenly she started up again,  “Don’t you think you should keep it clean for us when we drive with you?” I must say that her argument is by no means fallacious; the girl likes her area clean… or in retrospect perhaps it might be a combination of her comments and  her parents’ opinion speaking – but lets carry on. I bought into it I must admit. She pulled the trigger and I jumped.

“When you get older,” I started, “ and you are working fulltime, going to school fulltime and raising two children, I’ll come by to tell you what to clean.” She QUICKLY responded “I think you’d be dead by then.”

 

Now what I remember about the next few moments is how QUIET my daughter was in all this.  I never really thought I’d find a child whose mouth was bigger than hers.

 I’m certain I’d be dead before you’d be doing all that, “ is all I could muster up. The feeling of defeat was temporary but intense. My daughter, a self-professed ‘Dissing – champion’ at school must have been ashamed.

So when she brought her mother into it I went back for round three.

“My mother”, she started (the eyebrows were both up at this point), “She works and she still cleans her car.”

“Well then ride with her.” I suggested. This spat went back and forth until I threatened to inform her mother that she wishes to start walking to school – WHITE FLAG!!!!! She was defeated. “No – I don’t want to walk to school.” A smile tore across my face – “Well then,” I suggested…“ SHAT – AP!”

 

Moments later I turned into the kiss ‘n’ ride and we said our amicable goodbyes. I could have thrown down the usual West Indian authoritative gauntlet much earlier in this relationship, but sometimes its just not worth ruining all the hard work her parents have done in encouraging her free speech. After all she was the same kid that had me laughing with stories of her father falling down drunk, (and just to clear things up… I in no way struck up that conversation).  When asked what she learned from that particular experience she remarked, “ Never drink ….and then try to walk.” You gotta give it to a girl who can give hell – AND take it in strides.

Don’t change too much baby girl.

 

Love, your auntie Dee