The erosion of simple social courtesy

It has come to my attention that all cultural and individual differences aside, we all could use a refresher course is common courtesy. Thanks Michy

 

Greetings

 

We are familiar with the generic ‘niceties’ that MOST of us allow, such as greeting someone when you are in their presence, smiling when making eye contact or even a simple nod or wave.  However, special consideration is to be taken when choosing to elevate this level of communication. Saying ‘How are you?’ is not a nicety. We should not just throw it out there without expecting a reply – or assuming the response before it actually occurs. I have quite a few times responded to that question with a less than positive answer only to have the person rebut ‘ That’s nice’.

If I just told you that I have contracted a life threatening illness, ‘that’s nice’ doesn’t quite cut it.  If we are going to ask ‘How are you?’ we should at the very least, pretend to care.

 

Leaving

 

It would be nice to let someone know when we have finished speaking to them rather than just moving on to another conversation with someone else. Speaking to someone while scanning the room for people we consider more important is also not to be condoned. If your phone rings during a conversation, and you have caller ID, you might be able to wait, or simply say “Please excuse – hold that thought”. If the call is urgent – we should excuse ourselves so that our colleagues can carry on with their activities, rather than leave them stranded at the kitchenette coffee counter for 10 minutes before walking away.

 

I have noted that Americans in particular rarely signal when they are finished their telephone conversations. Cultural differences? Fair enough  - but why then would the phrase ‘good bye’ be of any use if not used here? I don’t understand. I mean how am I supposed to know when someone is curtly hanging up on me? Noone should get away with that – even when we are angry.  So when parting ways, a bit more than body language should be used to signal the end of a conversation – to show respect for that individual’s time and ensure further contact remains positive.

 

 

Thank You

 

Sometimes people do things for us repeatedly and without complaint, so we assume it means that we are doing them a favour by asking them to do the things we refuse to learn to do ourselves. It is at this point that we start to expect these ‘favours’ and begin to demand them – and all appreciation goes right out the front door.

 

‘Thank you’ is a simple phrase should be articulated on a daily basis. When someone opens a door, lets you in the turning lane during the busy rush hour traffic, brings you a beverage, offers you a ride – ‘Thank you’ is in order.  It is important to note that we tend to show appreciation to strangers more so than we do our friends and family, because we come to have a sense of expectation toward their repeated generosities.

 

We need to remember that just because someone is nice enough to complete a task we have given them, it doesn’t mean that we have the right to assume why they were ‘available’ to complete the task. What I mean is that the act of service is much more that competence and sense of duty. When someone takes the time (even more important than money sometimes) to do something for us – we assume they do it because they truly care about us and want the best results.

 

Regardless of the difficulty, service should be recognized. Do not take it for granted that just because someone does not  lament about the obstacles that they have had  to overcome in order to do our ‘dirty work’, that it means they are ‘supposed to’ do it- or that they enjoy it.  They might be quite aware that we are capable of taking on the task and simply didn’t think to say no – when we would be much quicker to do so had we been in their position.

 

 

Events

 

Events can truly highlight our etiquette ‘habits’. I told a girlfriend of mine that we tend to know all the ropes to pull to get what we want from people, but then we have no idea what to do when we do (or in some cases , do NOT) receive what we asked for.

Whether the event arouses feelings of pleasure or morose, we need to be cognizant that the world around us, more importantly, the people around us, are bystanders who are waiting for us to provide cues as to how to behave.

 

Events instigate a type of neuroses in certain personalities that cause the individuals to react quite contrary to who we thought we knew; when some of us might come to a different conclusion. It is just as possible that events of major impact elicit core personality truths that those around us may have only caught mere glimpses of, as we tend to hide these parts of us from the larger social group.

 

The ‘Bride-zilla’ phenomenon is an example of this seeming metamorphosis, where humble, courteous women turn into ostentatious, demanding and illogical human beings.  New mothers form passive aggressive tendencies towards childless associates, following the death of a loved one a reserved and cold individual might become vulnerable and open. I hope I have not strayed too far from the topic at hand; as I mean to connect the importance of tact, manners and etiquette particularly during memorable times.

 

Major life events are usually the crux of change, impacting who we keep around us – and who we do not. The façade of simple niceties will seldom hold up in these cases, so when we are getting married, we should not ask help of people we think of maliciously, and then proceed to ignore them once the task has been completed. We should not isolate close, caring friends while embracing superficial acquaintances when we are in need of emotional support.  

 

 

To conclude, I encourage us to be actively positive in our interaction with others as often as possible. We should not wait for the other person to be courteous, nor should we  tolerate impoliteness from those we know. With the very little time and resources we have to make a meaningful contribution to the betterment of human existence, the very least we can do is to acknowledge the presence and value of others.

 

To the naked eye, good manners is a matter of option or preference defined by what we say, but this will only take us so far. Genuine etiquette and courtesy lies in our conduct at times of bliss and crisis; in between the lines of things left unsaid.  

 

 

Have a great week, and thanks for stopping by  : )

 

Denise