Ahhh – Church.

Church

So I went to church. On a Sunday. Again. After swearing off my home SDA church back in August of last year I have only attended three times since – all by invitation. Ironically, two of these visits were to a church other than my primary denomination.

So I realize kind of church I like – and which ones scare the hell out of me. ( I know – the irony!). I prefer a church that is small. ..a congregation of less than 50. I would like a church that does not last more than 3 hours (including Sabbath school)- and does so consistently unless there is a special occasion. Church should be a place where what I wear matters less than my presence- and I would like to NOT feel that I am attending a town hall meeting like the ones at work. My bed is quite comfortable at home – I don’t want to spend good resting time on the sturdy, unforgiving pews – so all I ask is that I am engaged – not frightened. I prefer not to be shouted at (because saying it loud doesn’t make it right) – but to be confronted with reason.

Here are my top 10 things I dislike about going to church:

1) Feeling like I’ve shown up at a party I wasn’t invited to
2) Having people greet me and ask ‘is this your first time?’ – when they’ve seen me there year over year over year…
3) When the announcements last half hour
4) Impromptu testimonies….where the same person comes up every week AND has sheets of script to read
5) There is NEVER enough parking and in the winter you have to walk for miles in heels and a skirt
6) The altar call that goes on for DAYS – I just want to scream ‘ Noone else is coming – get on with it already’
7) It never ends on time – and the speaker then tries to guilt you into thinking that being hungry is a sin
People singing loudly and forcefully – with bad breath
9) People getting over zealous (in spirit) and shouting over the pastor…
10) Multiple ‘tithes and offering’ sessions scattered throughout the service.