The Art of Snubbing

The Art of Snubbing

Anyone who paid attention in high school knew the rules to snubbing and to whom they do and do not apply, but the people who know how best to snub, are those who at some point have been on the receiving end of the snub.

Make no mistake, like war, there are no winners in snubbing but there are certain etiquette and protocol that should be adhered to if one is using this method to administer a dose of scorn to a certain other person.

My mother used to say ‘there is a time and place for everything’, which brings us to the first question ‘When to snub?’

When you have been wronged (which means you are actually right) – in a rather recent confrontation.

You have been involved in some sort of conflict within the last few months (there should be about a maximum 6 month limit ) with an individual, and communication has completely broken down to the point of accidental eye contact – because you can’t speak about the issue without fighting. You may then both end up attending a gathering  and somehow manage to keep to yourselves on opposite sides of the room. This is reasonable, reciprocal snubbing. Completely balanced and acceptable. Noone makes a scene and you both quietly pray for the evening to end.

Now If you find that you have been a serial snubber, say insulting at least 3 people in the last year alone, and can’t tell the last time you apologized for something – you’re in violation of the snubbing rules and your privileges are forfeited. Clearly someone is getting away with murder here.  Snubbing is a privilege – not a right! And its easier than waiting for someone to say hi so you can ignore them – its deliberately  leaving someone out to ensure that you hurt them first.  This isn’t a courageous thing to do so I do suggest it be used rarely and sparingly. If you find it comes naturally to you – sorry to say it – but you just might be an ******e. (reverse the word snub and it will give you a clue somewhere in the middle)

Where to snub?

In Public? In Private? Via email?

Generally it is best to snub when amongst strangers, and at a  great proximity to your victim– enough that you can pretend you did not see the other person. However, it should be alright to ignore someone in your presence if they pass inappropriate or disingenuous comments or ask questions to which the answers are none of their concern. These are the times when it is most effective, because people who hate being snubbed, are those who desire the attention most.

Therefore it can be expected that they might be more quick to resort to this method because they assume it hurts others as much as it would hurt them. The first degree offenders prefer to attack in the presence of a group of people who know that the ‘snubber’ and ‘snubbee’ are in fact connected. The opportunistic snubber might even go as far as to address those in close proximity or relation to the victim in order to isolate and magnify the extent of their dismissal. This is downright impertinent.

You can try this…but you might risk someone taking you down with a punch. I can’t imagine someone saying hello to my children and husband and having the nerve to ignore me. You better be my mother in law – or else.

Regardless of when or where, I think the most important criteria is ‘who’? Who to snub?

A middle school enemy? Your former best friend? Your former mentor, a friend with whom you’ve lost touch? Your brother’s ex – girlfriend?

I can’t say for certain, but some people are off the list; close family members, and extended family members. Basic common courtesy – ‘hello’ should not be too much to ask for. Now I admit I can think of a time or two when I’ve broken that rule, but I don’t encourage it. I certainly have not felt the need to do such a thing since I’ve become an adult. I’m confident enough to know my place, and I am not afraid to use my manners with consistency (if you are saying hello to a room full of people – look everyone in the eye). I also know when I am wrong and make an effort to correct that behaviour.

What to do when you witness a ‘snub’.

I hope I’m never called to prove this but I hope noone plans on coming to my house and snubbing my own guests. Younger folk will get a few warnings but none left for adults. If you come into my home and expect to be rude to my guests – you’ve got another thing coming and whether I pull you aside, make a scene or give you a good telling off after the fact – is really up to me. Just know – it’s not okay.

For those of us who don’t feel the need to resort to such risky measures, there are alternatives; sarcasm, dirty looks, sucking one’s teeth, murmuring, rolling one’s eyes, deep breathing, or plain old avoidance. Snubbing is not for everyone.

 In Nautical terms, to snub is ‘To check the movement of (a rope or cable running out) by turning it quickly about a post or cleat’. In relation to our discussion, this gives me the image of someone checking the temperament of another individual by tightening the rope around their necks. Not a pretty picture. So before you rub your hands together in anticipation of reveling in such a displeasure, but be mindful of  mirages.   Depending on who you are attempting to snub, it might be your own neck in the noose.

Cheers,

Denise