# 1. Worst Job Interview Questions …and the answers we wish we could give.

Series: In a Perfect World

 

Whether you are a corporate tycoon or a teenager getting your first job at the local fast food joint- at some point in time you have been in THAT chair. And for all the able minded/bodied folk who have never been in that position you will be eventually (I say this knowing very well there are people who will never hold a job).

 

It is in that chair that all our pride goes out the window. Away from our family and friends, we are put upon display like fruit at the supermarket to be poked at, squeezed, sniffed and prodded for ‘ripeness’. In that  chair we beg and plead for something that we need but often don’t even want; A job.

 

While in this chair, the people across from you (the powers that be) will utilize their fancy vocabulary to dress up this ‘job’ by referring to it in many different terms such as an ‘opportunity’ (which implies that it will be the beginning of something favourable ), a ‘career’ (which implies growth and longevity) or a ‘position’ (which implies title, class and status). So picture yourself going into an interview, sitting in that chair and being barraged with questions about why you want to be the next receptionist at company ABC.  Questions such as:

 

Why do you want this position?

Does anyone really need to ask this question? This must be the tie breaker because I cannot for the life of me understand why it would be a mystery. I mean is there anyone out there that doesn’t need to get paid? Where do I sign up?

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: Well I’d love to say because the pay was great, or that I love your benefits package but your ad didn’t specify details. So really I’m here to find out why I would want his job – plus the other prospects I’ve applied for haven’t come through yet.

 

Where do you plan on being in 5 years?

Oh I love this one. Its one of the trick questions loaded with irony. Where do I begin? Well truly nobody including the interviewer knows where they’ll be in a day much less five years, and if you haven’t even gotten the job – what use is it to spill your hopes and dreams to a couple of judgmental strangers and an empty desk? Of course that is if one takes it literally – truly they want us to express our career goals. Why 5 years is the magic number is beyond me. So before they tell you what the position can prepare you for in five years, they will ask this question for no other reason except that it’s on the sheet of paper in front of them.

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: That depends. If I were to get this position, where I am in five years will larger rely on where the company is heading in five years. If your numbers tank, you will replace me with an automated system to recoup your department budget. As a female in this position, I will often be overlooked for promotions, will have to beg for vacation days or relief and will be bored out of my mind 6 months into my tenure. And hell – you probably won’t even be here.

 

Why do you want to work for us?

This question is loaded with self absorption. I love it when the recruiter speaks as if they are the company. And notice the phrase ‘for us’ rather than ‘with us’. It’s the moment where they can bask in the ambience of compliments about how wonderful the company is and blah blah blah. Watching you gloat makes them feel, for that one split moment that they don’t’ hate their own jobs.

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: you made TOP 50 Best Employer list, but mostly because you were hiring.

 

What are your salary expectations?

They never tell you what they plan on paying you – but want you to tell them …how much you think your 40 hours per week is worth. Recruiters need to stop pretending that they have free reign as to how much you get paid. Nowadays, one feels like they’re in a bidding war for a job – that if you say ‘I want 50k’ – the next applicant may bid 45 – and win. Yet one does not want to lose the ability to negotiate or appear desperate so you don’t want to bid too low. Your damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be:  I need about 80k a year to become debt free in 5 years so…lets go for that.

 

We need to know if you are committed to this role. Do you plan on staying with the company?

Hey – do people really mess up on this? Is it possible that someone out there actually says ‘No.? If I get this job I will continue to look for a better paying one.’… or the opposite – do people actually say ‘ yes – I will stay with this company forever – I never want to work anywhere else as long as I live, even if I move out of the country or keel over – I will still work here.’ I mean…really? Why force people to lie?

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: Can you guarantee you won’t ever fire me? That’s what I thought.

 

Would you mind if we called your current manager?

As if every one discusses their private lives with people who have any impact on their employment. Why in the hell would someone tell their manager that? And even if they knew – why would they want you to speak with them? As if you’re going to waltz into work after your ‘dentist appointment’ and your boss is going to greet you saying …‘Oh Jennie!!!! How did that interview go? Just got a call from the recruiter and told her about the time you threw your coworker’s shoes in the trash and got suspended. We had a real howl.’

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: Yes – I would mind – unless you’re prepared to provide me with a written offer of employment starting immediately with no probationary period.

 

So tell me about your work experience?

This one isn’t so bad…except you spent HOURS putting your resume together and can’t understand why the person is looking at you as if they’ve only been passed your phone number. What should happen here is the recruiter should ask about particular experiences referenced on your resume, specifically those relevant to the position you are being interviewed for. That being said, I usually answer these in a general sense but some eyebrow furrowing might occur followed by deep sighs.

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: You mean the work experience that I left off my resume?

 

Are you comfortable with technology?

Sigh. I don’t know if they still ask this question, but I distinctly remember someone showing me how to turn on a computer several years back … even though I hold a diploma in Computer Graphics Technical. If it’s a receptionist job – how much technology would you have to be comfortable with? When it comes to many office positions – most of your duties are defined by the training you receive. Regardless of your experience or education there will be a learning curve, and most of the time they aren’t at all concerned with your ‘comfort level’.  

 

In a perfect world, my answer would be: Did you think I spent 2 years in college playing Pac Man? I have a phone at home and I typed that resume and printed it all by myself. I think I’ll be fine.

That being said – good luck to all those in the job market – and don’t give up   : )