Party Protocol
Series: In a Perfect World
In a perfect world, events are social gatherings that mark a particular special occasion – simply put. However I cannot help but notice a shift in the way we have come to carelessly handle these milestones, where instead of creating an atmosphere that draws people to it, we do the exact opposite. Where the host is supposed to be gracious, they are often now pretentious and hostile. Hosts often leave invitees balking and bulged-eyed at their belligerent requests.
In my opinion, a few things need to be taken into consideration when putting on an event. Let’s get back to the basics.
1) Party with a Purpose – you CANNOT have a party ‘just because’ then try to make it a legitimate celebration by desperately attaching it to an ancient tribal tradition which you came across in a National Geographic article. You are a Canadian and we do not have a custom of baby-naming ceremonies. We understand you waited for years to have your first child but as much as you may be convinced otherwise… noone (including you) is going to even remember the name ‘Kwazaii’. In addition, your child will be just as annoying as every one else’s in about 24 months, after which you will come up with MANY other names for him – and I’m certain you won’t have a party for those.
2) You want to have a ‘get together’ in the middle of winter – and you live where? Seriously? Let me speak for myself on this one. You do not need to be a Geography major to figure out what the word distance means. If you are going to throw a party ifrom December – March in Canada (except Vancouver), there is a high chance of what I have term party –postponement . That is my new term for the probability factor an event that may be cancelled. Do you know what makes that party-postponement probability higher? IF you have no damn good reason to have the party in the first place. Nobody is going to risk their lives to boost your ego. Sorry.
3) Invitations…This could be a topic all on its own. Is it alright to ask for money? How should it be communicated? What about putting an exact amount? What if you haven’t even sent out real invitations but you still want people to bring money? When they do bring the money – are you planning on sending them thank you cards? Well. Apparently that’s no longer required. Some people ask for money, then bitch and complain when they get none – or don’t get how much they wanted. Funny enough the people who did bring something (gift or cash) get lost in the shuffle. You could check your email and/or inbox from now till the end of time – there will be no ‘thank you’ – for you. THAT is bad manners, and if you’ve committed this crime, you ought to slap yourself across the face – and don’t be surprised if noone shows up for your functions ever again.
4) What’s in it for me? A host must keep the needs of the guests in mind when preparing an affair. If you want me to buy a new dress, fly out of town, bring a gift and pay for parking – you better put on a good show. Enough said.
5) Last but not least. I remember a time when people had weddings only. You would go to the wedding. You would bring a gift. Now, there are a myriad of stops on the never ending itinerary of their lives. There are engagement parties (sometimes several), a stag, a pre wedding tea party, a rehearsal dinner (God bless the wedding party) and this all happens….BEFORE the WEDDING!!! Followed by, the wedding, the look-at-the-wedding-pictures party, a house warming, a baby shower…and birthday parties for the next 18 years. For the love of Christmas – have some dignity! I did not work for two whole weeks to just toss away my salary to you. Worst yet for it not to be appreciated. Many of the couples will never be there for any of your big days – and in terms of their acknowledgement of your efforts, a mere phone call will be difficult for them to muster up after the dust settles.
Single women without children–let this be a WARNING to you. Do not allow your newly married friends to take you for a ride. They assume that your single, child free status is something from which you need to be cured. If you find yourself being taken advantage of, tell them this: Maybe, when they were single and child free, they should have saved enough money to avoid expecting everyone else to pay their way
– but you know what? Some people are just greedy.
I was inspired to write this when my girlfriend received a call from her dentists’ receptionist asking her to attend a stag. That’s right. The dentist’s receptionist. The stag was not for the dentist. It was some random couple who decided that this woman was fit to be in charge of the wedding’s celebratory events. This event, this ‘stag’ involved a limo ride to the wine region, wine tasting and partying downtown – all at the low-low cost of two hundred dollars. ‘Feel free to bring your friends’, she quipped. It’s such a shame that in the world of social gatherings the only thing free is our feelings.
: ) Dee
