How to spot a ‘Hater’ – as perfectly demonstrated by many of the commentators of this fine article:

How to spot a ‘Hater’ – as perfectly demonstrated by many of the commentators of this fine article: http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/education/schoolsandresources/highschools/article/834981–ace-earns-perfect-report-card-how-did-she-do-it

OH. EM.GEE.

I am shocked and appalled by some of the responses to the above article, which was posted in the Toronto Star yesterday, July 12, 2010.

The article is a personal story about a grade 12 student who just earned a perfect mark on her latest report card. In short, she explains how she divided her time amongst social and personal commitments and her reaction to her achievement.

What’s the problem? The responses by ADULTS – that’s what! You have to see it for yourself – the epitome of HATERATION. If there was ever a need to include that word in the dictionary (if it isn’t already there) – that time would be now. Let me give you a sample. Lol.

“Propaganda anyone

I dont discount her grades but her time to do everything. Hmmm. In order to get those achievements there had to be shortcuts. The way she talked on the radio made her sound like it was a breeze. Good for if that is really the case. Today I handed out my report card to my 1 year old. I gave him 100% for walking 6 steps. And he did while sucking his thumb and holding his nappie all the while looking backwards.”

OR

“Its alright

I would be impressed, but I managed a 94% in a private school, taking 11 grade 12 credits and graduated at 16 all with little studying and managing 6 hours of tv a day. Yes, this shows what people are capable of when they try, but it also says how bad our public school system is. It is NOT possible to get 100 in english, no matter what. Even with perfect spelling and grammar, it is impossible to argue every side – hence a thesis. I also feel sorry for her because 1. She is going to McMaster??, 2. I would like to see her find the time to study in university and what her marks are going to be, could be an interesting follow up piece…”

GASP. Seriously?? And here I was, getting ready to print the article and post it in my son’s bedroom! What the hell?? Anyway – let me explain WHY these comments reek of ‘hateriscousness’ (lol).

1) The first comment has a negative in the first sentence.

2) BOTH comments begin with ‘I’

3) The second hater show signs of ‘private school’ elitism – “She is going to McMaster??”

4) BOTH use their own lives as a direct frame of reference!

Some of us have taken a hater pill at some point in our lives – but this is ridiculous!

However it is the PERFECT example of how jealously can manifest itself. Each responded in such a defensive manner to something had nothing to do with them! As if it were a personal attack against their achievements. Although the subject of the article isn’t a peer, they still feel the need to make a direct comparison to themselves (or their children). Wow. Who knew it was a crime to do well in school? To have something negative to say about something so innocent and wonderful begs the question – how easy it is to be a hater?

Very.

Are you a hater? In a given day, how often do you find the need to form an opinion about something – Anything. When you do – is your first thought an argument against the presented issue? Do you feel like you might morally combust if you don’t contribute some strong left wing opinion against something? How difficult is it for you to consider an opinion you are against? Do you find it nearly impossible to not share a negative opinion? Do you discredit an argument just because of the source? i.e. they might not be high enough on the ‘status’ bar – or you just don’t like them..? Do you feel uncomfortable when someone else receives compliment or praise? Do you find it hard to accept compliments/gifts/help – because I believe this can make you a hater too. When you kill yourself to work so hard for everything and watch other people receive and ACCEPT help – you think to yourself ‘no fair’. Hater is thy name.

Hateration has nothing to do with hate – and more to do with jealousy, maliciousness and a sense of entitlement. I’ve been there a time or two – but acknowledge that it is simply that – and knowing better – I can laugh at myself, and move on. There will ALWAYS be someone luckier, smarter, prettier, wealthier, healthier than you. However do not forget that there are a lot MORE people less intelligent, less wealthy, less healthy and less happy than you are – and that they not be so by choice. In the end, you don’t need to constantly compare yourself to others to establish a confident idea of self. At least not when you’ve ‘arrived’. When you get to that place where you are truly happy – you don’t care what anyone else is, does or gets.

To conclude, I sure hope those critiques don’t end up working for this lady one day – or need for a solution that she invented. That would just kill them- I think. Kill them dead.

Live.Love.Laugh.

Dee

How do you stay current – with your dreams?

How do you stay current – with your dreams?

To find focus is life is a real challenge. How does one balance the here and now with the dreams of tomorrow? Sometimes these two are so disparate that you can only wonder what may come of either. We can barely predict a time as close as tomorrow!

There are so many possibilities of existence; very few to which we are exposed – and so many that we shy away from. Do you often wish for that glimpse into the other side – or – around the corner? Or wonder what if you had pursued that seemingly impossible road of your dreams only to venture into something typical and easier to reach? I think it would be safe to say that many of us have.

However we must be able to look at our lives and take note of the dreams that have come to fruition. Our friends and family, our minds and bodies and souls which are still intact ; we dreamed of these things – and sometimes our lives are a manifestation of our parents’ desires for us. Every mistake we avoid making and each victory at something they failed at is a triumphant moment – a dream deferred is not necessarily lost.

And so I say – NEVER stop dreaming. Never stop working toward that which you have been bestowed a talent – and if you find that talent has nothing to do with money or fame – even better. You can create and share it freely and others will gratefully share theirs with you.

Still on the road to the next dream – and I can see the gate!

Let you know when I get there.

Love, Dee

THURSDAY BLOG – Would you intervene if your friend was keeping a secret from their significant other?

Would you intervene if your friend was keeping a secret from their significant other?

This question came across my ‘desk’ last night sometime after 10pm, so of course I woke up at dawn still thinking about it – which usually means it would make a good Blog topic. Usually.

Rather than dwell on my personal opinions or ‘what I would do’ which is really ‘what I think I might do’ – I’ll review how one might go about making the decision and possible consequences to consider.

 

‘How the plans untwined’

Writers Block

Usually I’ve been able to get at least one blog posted per month, but in May and June I slipped. I apologize. I have been creatively compromised. I can’t even remember what I wanted to blog about in Spring – but now that Summer is here – let me back track and tie up a loose end or two from any previous posts.

I title this post, ‘How the plans untwined’

The Financial Plan?

A complete revamp of my financial projection for this year was needed to maintain a sense of sanity. What WAS I thinking? You should have seen it! It was so …evolved! I was hoping to pay off my debt using the good ol’ ‘snowball’ method and that would have taken about 3 years. The question is – what was I planning on eating or clothing my family with during that time? Big miscalculation or as my son would say- ‘Epic Failure’. I forgot that although I stopped growing a long time ago – the kids…they’re growing an average of one inch per month. That means all clothes and shoes must be replaced. Not to mention that now they’re being invited to parties and their friends live half way across town! No more books and Lego toys and other under $10 gifts – now its $20 CASH/ birthday kid + gas + time + PLUS PLUS and my bank account goes MINUS MINUS!

So I’ve done my final revamp. It’s a bit of a cheat because its relatively attainable. I’ve created a financial roadmap based on no change. No change in salary. No change in minimum payments to savings OR debt. The result? Well I copied my genius formula all the way to the last column in Excel (IV) … and I still have two student loan payments AND my mortgage. What’s the problem? In this scenario, it’s the year 2031. Not only to do I have to live long enough for this to happen, but I have to stay employed for that entire time! I know what you are thinking; ‘as each debt gets cleared, the extra money will go toward the remaining debt’. Oh my dear friends…so thoughtful and positive you are. I remember those days, when the possibility of being debt free was like a cloud lying low above the trees.

Sigh. Well I have other things to do in life apart from paying bills – so you know who all those extra payments are going to?

You got it. Now I’m making a plan to spend all that extra money – and that’s a plan I can stick to! (Laughing)

Have a fabulous July – it’s been a great one for me thus far!

Live.Love.Laugh.

Dee

You know it might be time to move when ….

You know it might be time to move when ….

1. On the way to drop your child to daycare, you have to say ‘no’ to his request to say hi to the neighbour – who is being taken away in handcuffs.

2. Only two burners on your stove work and Management won’t replace them

3. Similarly, your stove is too old for the parts to be replaced.

4. Your water heater breaks more than once (or explodes)

5. Any vermin or roaches occupy the dwelling.

6. You can hear the neighbours upstairs getting frisky.

7. When your car gets broken into on a weekly schedule.

8. When your apartment is broken into during daylight hours.

9. The ‘security gate’ that ‘protects’ the neighbourhood is always open and has a broken lock.

10. When you finally arrive at the complex trash compactor, the sign says ‘Do not use’. Where am I supposed to put my garbage???? On the ground with everyone else’s.

11. On occasion you are waved off by an anxious S.W.A.T. team member on your way to work.

12. Your cousin comes by driving a new 645 CI and offers to take you for a spin in the convertible. Spotting a crowd a few streets down, you grab the perfect opportunity to cruise and boast – EXCEPT when you arrive you notice the crowd is completely ensconced in the unfolding crime scene across the street – the case is murder.

13. You get stopped by the police at least twice per year on your way to drop your child off to school two blocks down.

14. Your husband gets stopped at least twice on his way home from a non-alcoholic night out. Did I mention they gave him a breath analyzer?

15. Police tend to trail you home from time to time.

16. Every now and then, someone knocks at your door in the middle of the night asking ‘to use your telephone’