‘You can be whatever you want!’ – and more rubbish I’ll never tell my children.

‘You can be whatever you want!’ – and more rubbish I’ll never tell my children.

Life’s most dubious LIE has got to be that you can do whatever you set your mind to. What a load of crap!

What I would prefer to say is ‘Whatever it is in life that you devote the most practice and passion is likely what you will pursue – and it will bring you joy’. Note the word likely and that I said ‘joy’ and not ‘money’. I would have loved to become a dancer, but I’m 5’0 (barely) – I get migraines and a whole other host of pain related symptoms on a regular basis. This is my life – this is how I was created. I can’t be a volleyball champ, an air stewardess or a model.

No. No. and No. I’d fail as an entertainer because when one of my migraines hit they’d have to drag me off the stage. And what about those heels? Can you imagine trying to dance when the sides of your feet feel like they’ve been set on FIRE? No!

No – you can’t be a singer if you’re tone deaf!

No – you can’t be author if you’re illiterate!

NO NO NO!

Yes it is unfair that some people get to be actors/singers/fashion designers/models (the list goes on ) – while the rest of us are working a 9-5 with fine print clauses in our contracts barring employees to work for any other employer as it may interfere with our day jobs. So we are forced to put off our dreams of working at Winner’s to get an extra 10% discount – so that our ‘employers’ can feel we are engaged and committed. So – no. You can’t do anything you put your mind to – because I’ve really working on liking what I do – and THAT is not happening.

‘Don’t speak to that kid. He’s be a bad influence, and will turn out to be a criminal. ‘

It’s just not that simple all the time. I’m a firm believer that if my child wants to do something stupid – they will no doubt find some other wayward child to do it with. That means it’s a joint effort people! Your perfectly-parented spawn sees something in that other child that they see in themselves and LOVE it – even though you don’t . There are some peers that I have tagged with a question mark and would prefer my children not spend time with – I will not apologize for that. However, children do grow up. None of us have the right to project our feelings of parental superiority by setting low expectations for their future; remember that we all coexist in this world together. Those children will coexist with yours for an undetermined length of time – they will have to learn to deal with them in some capacity. More than a few of us have thrown our parents a curve ball or two and I am no exception to that. It would be foolish of me to think that my children are somehow ‘saved’ from the realities of their own human imperfections just because thier parents are married homeowners without substance abuse problems. Many people who have had challenging home lives and who have been deemed as ‘ at risk’ have grown into perfectly normal adults who are contribute to society and raise lovely families. We can’t say the same for all the children from ‘privileged’ households. Afterall the idea of privilege has more to with what the children have access to moreso than who their parents are or how they treat each other.

And last but not least, my favourite lie of all…

Must FUN have a shelf life?

Must FUN have a shelf life?

For the longest time I had gone without a kitchen timer and I finally caved at the Dollar store last year and bought one. I loved it; the kids – not so much. Now I time homework, video game playing, reading time. EVERYTHING worth living for with the exception of food comes to an end with a pronounced ‘Ding!’ and that is how I feel about fun these days. How many times have you been hit with an overwhelming sense of guilt and frustration after a fabulous night out? Maybe you spent an extra 6.99 on a dessert you didn’t like just so could have something else to hold on to – something to remember – then ‘Ding!’ it’s over because the fun quota has been reached. We practically killed ourselves to become grown- ups – got our own places to live – our own cars – we can go out when we want with whomever- and come home with the rising of the sun. Then after a girls evening out, why am I crunched over the kitchen table calculating how much I have left for groceries and rent? What the hell? Picture me scrambling to the internet to check my balances in every institution and taking full advantage of the email money transfer option @ 1.50 a pop. I have to funnel the money from somewhere! I can also be found searching the house for a blank cheque and I won’t even tell you how that can get me extra funds because it would take too long. The filing cabinet may be open with old bank account statements strewn across the floor ( Let’s see how much money is left in that old Bank of Montreal account…) So I think from now on I’m going set aside a portion of my salary for whatever enjoyment it will allow. There must be a way to please the bill collector and the bartender and myself at the same time; and that time needs to be now because my budget is leaving me too tired to enjoy anything past the F-U- in fun!

Oh and I’m retiring the kitchen timer – when the food is done – it will let me know.

Waddya say? We only live once right?

Dee!

This New Year ( Okay First Quarter of the New Year)

This New Year

“It is right to be contented with what we have, but never with what we are.” James Mackintosh

I have no idea who James Mackintosh is. I’m sure Google would tell me if I ask but that task is for later. The quote is a key indicator to the path of contentment; a reminder that in the quest for personal evolution, true success is seldom reflected in the things we own. This concept that is difficult to grasp given the images of success to which we are exposed, and ideas of success which are taught to us. Unfortunately, this extrinsic approval process requires us to transform ourselves in a way which reflects that there is an achievement ‘in process’ so that SOMEBODY (ANYBODY) notices. So we are on the constant look out for cues from our peers (Did they notice my new Chanel shoelaces?) and we wait and wait – to see if anyone notices (Did you hear where I travelled to this year?). We spend more time trying to get people to notice that we are ‘successful’ we forget that we actually aren’t enjoying ourselves. Don’t blame the world. If we let others define our success, then it is only natural that we look to ‘them’ for approval. But how did we ever buy into the idea of translation mapping consumerism with an individual sense of achievement and happiness?

Now, if I am to believe that someone with an expensive vehicle, a considerable costly home, etc. is successful, then I am ignoring what I know to be intrinsically true; which is that the accessibility of these items is not synonymous with a want or need for them. They are rather, and indication to me that the person who owns the company that sells these items is successful – not the person who buys them. Even that is a fallacy in itself because I have no idea what the financial standing of that company is. I can only assume that if they can afford to sell their items at such at such a grossly inflated value, they must be getting enough sales to sustain themselves! The argument may be circular but it is a necessary one to have when considering the external forces that affect the way we think about what we want – and yes – who we are.

When we create New Years resolutions and set goals for ourselves (however ill fated) can we honestly say none of these goals are affected by our culture? (Join Jenny Craig – get ready for that summer bikini!) What if I don’t have a bikini? (I don’t – and never will). Should I want a bikini? What if I am ‘Jenny Craiged’ – is it okay for me to where a new bikini with my tummy exposed – stretch marks, scars and ALL? Who knew??? I’ll add THAT to my list of how to change my life. Right away!

How much of what we aim for has to do with a tangible result – something that we can show and tell? How would those goals change if we admit that most of what we have – is more than good enough. Perhaps we should seek to attain things that will increase our quality of life. Owning a home can improve our quality of life – for instance you don’t have to start packing your bags when your son kicks a soccer ball through the supporting beam of the backyard deck. However, when your roof and plumbing gives way– you will have to pay for it – but you can take that money out of the equity of your home if needed. This however has nothing to do with where the home is or its related cost or size. That is all on the owner. The people who are dishing out all the wonderful comments and kudos  don’t have to pay for the heat or electricity or land taxes or ….. so why go the extra length to impress them?

Whatever the path we choose in life, there won’t always be someone at the finish line waiting to pat you on the back. So how will you know when you are truly achieving the right goals for you? Measuring true success should be a daily goal. When you hit the pillow tonight think of all you did today – all you learned and the obstacles you overcame. Success can be attained in the medial of tasks and all the benefits lie in the way you feel about what you do.

Live.Love.Laugh.

Dee