‘You can be whatever you want!’ – and more rubbish I’ll never tell my children.
Life’s most dubious LIE has got to be that you can do whatever you set your mind to. What a load of crap! 
What I would prefer to say is ‘Whatever it is in life that you devote the most practice and passion is likely what you will pursue – and it will bring you joy’. Note the word likely and that I said ‘joy’ and not ‘money’. I would have loved to become a dancer, but I’m 5’0 (barely) – I get migraines and a whole other host of pain related symptoms on a regular basis. This is my life – this is how I was created. I can’t be a volleyball champ, an air stewardess or a model.
No. No. and No. I’d fail as an entertainer because when one of my migraines hit they’d have to drag me off the stage. And what about those heels? Can you imagine trying to dance when the sides of your feet feel like they’ve been set on FIRE? No!
No – you can’t be a singer if you’re tone deaf!
No – you can’t be author if you’re illiterate!
NO NO NO!
Yes it is unfair that some people get to be actors/singers/fashion designers/models (the list goes on ) – while the rest of us are working a 9-5 with fine print clauses in our contracts barring employees to work for any other employer as it may interfere with our day jobs. So we are forced to put off our dreams of working at Winner’s to get an extra 10% discount – so that our ‘employers’ can feel we are engaged and committed. So – no. You can’t do anything you put your mind to – because I’ve really working on liking what I do – and THAT is not happening.
‘Don’t speak to that kid. He’s be a bad influence, and will turn out to be a criminal. ‘
It’s just not that simple all the time. I’m a firm believer that if my child wants to do something stupid – they will no doubt find some other wayward child to do it with. That means it’s a joint effort people! Your perfectly-parented spawn sees something in that other child that they see in themselves and LOVE it – even though you don’t . There are some peers that I have tagged with a question mark and would prefer my children not spend time with – I will not apologize for that. However, children do grow up. None of us have the right to project our feelings of parental superiority by setting low expectations for their future; remember that we all coexist in this world together. Those children will coexist with yours for an undetermined length of time – they will have to learn to deal with them in some capacity. More than a few of us have thrown our parents a curve ball or two and I am no exception to that. It would be foolish of me to think that my children are somehow ‘saved’ from the realities of their own human imperfections just because thier parents are married homeowners without substance abuse problems. Many people who have had challenging home lives and who have been deemed as ‘ at risk’ have grown into perfectly normal adults who are contribute to society and raise lovely families. We can’t say the same for all the children from ‘privileged’ households. Afterall the idea of privilege has more to with what the children have access to moreso than who their parents are or how they treat each other.
And last but not least, my favourite lie of all…
‘There are only two ways to be; good or bad. If you are good. If you are very good…only good things will happen to you. If you are bad – then bad things will happen and you’ll never be happy.’
FALSE!
Further to this RIOT of RIDICULOUSNESS – we parents try to tell kids what fits into these categories – as if we know or abide by them.
‘If you don’t date you’ll focus on your school work and get better marks”
False. The fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend just made me more irritate. I was lonely and spent my time trying to figure out why none of them wanted me.
“If you don’t have sex until you’re married…”
Yes – I said it. Noone knows the ending to this lecture we because we all stopped listening after ‘married’. So in short –you can try ..but I’d prefer not to waste my time – and don’t hand them the Bible for proof of WHY because it may not work if they actually read the WHOLE book. What I can say is that saving yourself will cut down on a lot of the potential for drama, including the CHANCE of unwanted pregnancies and the worst scenario- irreparable emotional baggage and an std that you cannot trace. Read that sentence again carefully. Your spouse can still give you an std – the only difference is that you’ll know who you got if from. I also don’t want to give my kids any false hope that if they follow a ‘checklist’ of how to be that it will entitle them to all of the promises God bestowed upon the children of Israel. People need to stop teaching their children on how buy love. God loves you . Keep his commandments to be the best person you can be – but don’t think it buys you a free ticket into heaven or a high paying job – or a life free of sunshine, suckers and blue skies. A relationship with God is very important and there is no better way to get through adversity and celebrate life- than with the creator- but it has to be a genuine relationship based on love, faith and submission; one I’m still working towards.
There is no real book on parenting and even if there was – who would follow it?
Just continue to do your best and enjoy the ride !
Live.Love.Laugh.
Dee
Nice post.
“You can be whatever you want.” Yeah right. You can try to be what you want, but you will have to work your a#@ off. And sometimes, there are winners and there are losers. This whole “everybody gets a ribbon” mentality isn’t healthy. Why lie to kids?
Thanks Jeff! The idea that everyone has to be extraordinary at something is overrated. All men are NOT created equal. lol