Worst. Vacation. Ever. Part Four
Perhaps I was distracted by the hunger – why I was able to pull away from the conversation and get into her driveway where my other cousins stood shaking their heads in disbelief. We got as far as her front porch when the rest of the evening unfolded before us shamelessly.
There are a few things one would expect from an awaiting host – a space to sit (or stand), refreshments (at the bare minimum, water) and in the case of a accommodation, a room in which to sleep. I can even say that without the implication of a bed – to allow room for us to sleep on the floor. What was waiting for us? NONE OF THE ABOVE. We refused to enter the house – my aunt being the only one who ventured in to speak to the elated bride to be. I could hear her explaining ‘ My friend is staying in this room and I can’t tell her to leave, because she has no place to go…’
So we went to buy dinner, my cousins and I and the aunt of one of the bridesmaids and we purchased food for the entire household. Upon our return, the bride proceeded to help herself to her father’s meal and some of the ours as well. If the groom hadn’t placed a bulb in the fixture on the porch – we would have eaten our entire meal on the ground (or suitcases)- in the dark.
Hours later there was still no word of our sleeping arrangements. I figured I could sleep at my mother’s property which was ten minutes away, but after a quick drive by – I determined that the years of financial support my mother had sent to my uncle (the bride’s father) must have gone into someone else’s house – not my mother’s. We could not sleep there. Not one of us.
So we split up. The braver ones among us took off to my grandmother’s place in town where they could partake in nightly entertainment, indulge in alcohol, wear shorts, and relax. Meanwhile, my other three cousins and I went to my uncle’s house…far.far.away – and ….OFF to bed we went. But not before (against her mother’s instructions), the bride’s little sister crawled into bed between me and my cousin and her child – where she proceeded to kick and punch me throughout the night. And what kind of sinus problem did that child have? Those noises she made will haunt me till I’m old and gray. Good thing I wasn’t getting any sleep because I was getting a bladder infection and had to go to the washroom quite frequently….too bad there was no running water. The toilet was a sham. Just an ornament. Just sitting there…and I was peeing in it and it smelled like horse piss. This is Friday.
