Worst. Vacation. Ever. Part Six

Worst. Vacation. Ever. Part Six

 ‘Why did he tell us to come here for six o’ clock? Lawd Jesus!’ My grandmother made no effort to enter the house but kept her lamentations outside were she could still be heard. By this time I had firmly established role in the house. I was the source of sustenance.

Since there was no breakfast I insisted on going to the supermarket for supplies. The groom stopped me and assured me that there was sufficient stock in the cupboard that I could use whatever I wanted. I thanked him and proceeded to make a large pot of oatmeal porridge. The groom was the only one who did not eat out of politeness – the bride refused any. She later commented to me ‘I can’t believe you guys eat that. Gross.’ I let her know I could only work with what I had. Now here came the interesting part. The evening before, we were asked to get our nails done for the wedding (at our expense of course) – but that’s about as ‘done up’ as we had gotten since our arrival. My clubbing cousins however (who happen to be very attractive women) were dazzling in their makeup and semi formal outfits. So when the groom offered them tea – the bride went haywire. Apparently (as my cousins relayed the story later on), she became visibly and audibly irritate, shouting at her husband- to- be and spying from the crack of her bedroom door if her hubby happened to be in the same vicinity ( that’s right – the house with only one common room) as the ladies. Now that was good for a hearty laugh. Then my grandmother advised the bride that she needed to stuff her bra because her breasts wouldn’t be able to ‘hold up her dress’. It made up for the bride’s earlier comment toward me (she mentioned that my hair was a mess and that I looked pregnant). 

At around 1 (ish) we left for the wedding – and the bride and groom rode with in their wedding gear. We arrive at the site around half hour later, and the plantation was beautiful – there was no expense spared here and I was in awe of my aunt’s accomplishment. Too bad she couldn’t make it to the wedding – since no one brought her clothes from the bride’s house. ‘We saw it’ the bride’s mother explained ‘but figured she had everything with her’ now by the time this happened I already had my first meltdown when I was told by the bride that I had to take my luggage from the guesthouse where we had gotten dressed and bring it with me to the wedding. ( cue throwing of shoes and me yelling ‘this is BULLSH**!!!’ followed by juvenile stomping into the house) So after the clothing debacle I was calm – but the rest of the bridal party was riled up.

‘We can’t worry about that now’ said my uncle when we told him of his sister’s situation.

We got to the beautiful grounds for the outdoor wedding. The theme was red, white and black and it was in stark contrast the rolling green hills. The bridesmaids walked over to the site to get a view of the scene while the bride and her maid of honour held back in the car.

Then it started to rain.